Does Scott Brown know what he’s doing?
By endorsing Donald Trump, who stands a good chance of winning some Republican primaries but a fairly weak chance of winning the presidency, our former senator is joining a very nonelite club of opportunists, also-rans and punch lines to “Where Are They Now?” jokes by open-mic comedians.
It’s true that Sarah Palin, now more notorious than famous – a distinction with a difference – endorsed Trump just last month, and won herself a few news cycles’ worth of exposure. But by endorsing Donald Trump, dwarf-star celebrities Brown and Palin are joining the motleyest crew in American politics. Call it Donald Trump’s Bad Hair Club for Men. (And Women.)
Who’s for Trump? Tila Tequila is for Trump. Ms. Tequila has argued on Twitter that the earth is flat, and “was recently kicked off ‘Celebrity Big Brother’ for praising Adolf Hitler and posing in Hitler and Nazi-inspired outfits on social media,” according to The Huffington Post. How does Secretary Tequila sound? If only there were a Cabinet-level Department of Soaked-Worm Beverages!
Former basketball star-turned-North-Korean-pitchman Dennis Rodman supports Trump, which means the coveted Pyongyang ambassadorship would seem to be locked up should Trump make the White House.
Trump has likewise attracted a small coterie of race-mongerers to his standard, including, but not limited to, former professional wrestler Hulk Hogan, who famously described himself as “racist, to a point.” Also in the Trump corner: the more-notorious–than-famous “toughest sheriff in America,” Joe Arpaio, he of the racial profiling convictions.
There’s racial profiling, and then there is all-out racial hatred. Meet Trump endorser Vojislav Seselj, leader of Serbia’s Radical Party, who is currently on trial for war crimes. Seselj and Trump have made derogatory statements about Muslims, to put it delicately, and Seselj is hoping that Serbian-Americans will flock to the polls and pull the Donald lever.
Of course you are wondering: Who are the washed-up actors supporting this election cycle? Why, Trump, of course! Remember Stephen Baldwin? Cue the Baldwin Disambiguation App: He’s not the successful one; that’s Alec. He’s not the one in “The Sopranos”; that’s Daniel. He’s not the one who was short-listed for “Batman”; that’s William. Stephen is, well, a nobody, but he has declared bankruptcy, so he and The Donald have that in common.
Did someone say washed-up actors? Yes Gary Busey is pretty much over, and yes, he’s endorsing Donald Trump. But Busey appeared in the original “Point Break,” the greatest movie ever made, so I have to temper my criticism.
Here is a list of Trump supporters I didn’t have time to mock, I mean mention: right-wing rocker Ted Nugent; Loretta Lynn; Aissa Wayne (Who she? The daughter of the late actor John Wayne); Mike Ditka; Wayne Newton (Who he? Don’t ask.); Lou Ferrigno; William Robertson (Who he? Duck Commander. What that? Don’t ask.); Mike Tyson; and Ann Coulter, because why the heck not?
Congratulations to one and all! Your chances of being invited to an Inaugural Ball in 2017 are similar to my chances for winning a Nobel Prize – in Experimental Physics. Until then, enjoy the campaign!Alex Beam’s column appears regularly in the Globe. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.