Love letters

Should we have children?

Should they have children or not? It’s a decision only they can make.

Q. I am a mid-30s male who has been married for more than six years and have been with my wife for over a decade. The relationship is great. We love to travel to exotic places, see goofy movies, eat adventurous food, and all around have a wonderful life. So why am I writing? Well, as we are both now in our mid-30s the question of having a child keeps coming up. At any given moment I can be totally against having children (especially when we are out somewhere and there is a screaming child throwing a tantrum). But then I will see a couple with their young child playing in a park, and the kid will run up and hug them, and it melts my heart. To be totally honest I think I am slightly more on board than my wife is about having children (she calls it the big fade).

I have many concerns that I have expressed to my wife and we communicate openly. There are two major sides to the issue. The first in the negative camp is: Will a child ruin the relationship we have now? I have been with my spouse for one third of my life, and, not to be corny, but she is perfect for me. We will have an issue from time to time, but we are quick to resolve it through communication and respect for each other. What if we have a child and we start to fight more or she resents me because there is not nearly as much freedom as we used to have? What if we both resent the child for what it did to our relationship? Right now we can do what we want to do when we want to do it. Also, if we do not have a child we could most likely retire younger and just enjoy our lives together. But is that selfish?

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