Dance Moms 10 p.m., Lifetime
It’s a sick fantasy of mine that one magical Tuesday night, Tabatha Coffey will travel through a wormhole between Bravo and Lifetime to battle Abby Lee Miller (pictured) - resulting in the reality show equivalent of Godzilla vs. King Ghidora. Until that day arrives, this episode (titled “Abbygeddon’’) will have to do. Tonight, the girls head to regionals, the nefarious Candy Apples are in the house, and Abby apparently has the worst day of her life. Expect a perfect storm of glitter, lycra, tears, and adrenaline.
New Girl 9 p.m., Channel 25
Ruh-roh. In tonight’s episode, Jess and Cece have a falling out, which has inspired my creation of a new word: tragicute. Tragic in that nobody wants to see television’s coolest BFFs quarrel over someone as silly as Schmidt (no matter how breathtaking his “inner sanctum’’ may be). And cute because, come on, how are these two going to fight? It’ll be like one of those YouTube clips of a kitten with dorky glasses tackling a baby chick. (Those exist, right?) Pictured (from left): Hannah Simone as Cece and Zooey Deschanel as Jess.
That Touch of Mink 10 p.m., TCM
At risk: Doris Day’s innocence.
Best Ink 10 p.m. Oxygen
At risk: some dude’s arm.
The Weiner’s Circle 10 p.m. TruTV
At risk: your cholesterol.