If it’s a trend, a clip, a comment, a moment, a meme, a tag, or a topic, it’s a thing. Thing Tank is a review of the week in things, and rates them either up or down.
SUMMER INTO FALL
Kansas City’s Schilitterbahn water park releases video of the first manned test of its 168-foot slide, Verrückt (translation: “insane”). It’s appropriately terrifying. Brave sliders will experience a thrilling 50-foot drop as their swimsuits experience a less-thrilling 50-foot rise.
I’m not trying to upset anyone by bringing up a certain recent World Cup game that ended in disaster and humiliation, OK? I’m merely pointing out that there’s a whole Tumblr of weeping Brazilians, should you care to look at such a thing.
WUB ME NOT
In the pantheon of dances that should be forbidden (I’ve never forgotten you, lambada), wubbing will take a formidable post. We haven’t seen specialized gear like this (shorts equipped with a giant swinging Nerf-esque phallus) since Hammer pants. Please, Mr. Kimmel. Tell me it’s you.
Twitter proved itself unready for the jelly of ample Texas Rangers first baseman Prince Fielder, who struck a nude pose for the cover of ESPN the Magazine’s annual “Body Issue.” If you walk in on your Uncle Carl voguing in the mirror, this is why.
LOL OK BACK 2 WORK PLZ THX
CIA tweets they have no idea where Tupac is. Man, what a cut-up that agency is! Glad it’s taking advantage of the chill time it probably has earned by now, and this text has not been altered before publication to say that.
The bad news is Connor Franta of YouTube superstar vlogger-boy-group O2L (Our 2nd Life) announces he is done making videos on the O2L channel, spawning the #weloveyouconnor tag. The good news is you are not alone. I have no idea what I’m talking about either.Michael Andor Brodeur can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter @MBrodeur.