. . . 40 TO GO
This never used to be a space where I had to venture into hard news territory, but such is the world we live in today, so here goes: Not only is President-elect Damaged Turnip blocking people left and right (mostly left) on Twitter, but the number of people he follows recently dropped from 41 to 40, with the suspected fire-ee being “Touched by an Angel” star and “The Bible” producer Roma Downey. Wha ha-happened? I certainly have no idea. I might be out of my depth with this news stuff. Forwarding to Spotlight.
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BALLISTIC PIZZA
Just had the most insane dream. There was this pizza place (but it was also a Ping-Pong place, maybe?) and this guy came in, and he had a gun, and I forget how it happened, but he was there because he thought the pizza place was the center of an alleged underground child sex ring run by Hillary Clinton and that Podesta guy from Hillary’s fake e-mail scandal (super weird), so the gun guy shot the floor trying to find the underground sex ring tunnels, and it became this huge national news thing and everyone was required by law to write up a thinkpiece about it and . . . wait. What? This really happened? It’s called #pizzagate ? Hey, how long have I been awake?
PREY FOR US
BBC’s “Planet Earth 2” (purveyor of fine baby iguana chases) continues to dazzle Planet Internet with viral clips of wildlife living up to its name. This time it’s a battle between a water buffalo and a pack of young lions, and, like lions on a buffalo, it’s tearing our country apart. Who is the good guy? Who is the bad guy? What’s with our reflexive need to anthropomorphize wild animals and reduce nuanced ecological systems to naive binaries? Also, may I request that David Attenborough run for Celebrity President next time around?
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INDEPENDENT KLAUS
One of the great conveniences of the modern age is no longer having to go to a mall to give your tot a concentrated dose of stranger-danger terror in the form of involuntary contact with some random dude dressed up as Santa. Today, there are a number of services that allow unknown men in cheap costumes to chat directly with your child over live video. So much easier. And from the looks of the clips making their way onto Twitter, it’s still an encounter that fills children with wonder — specifically concerning why the only people they’ve ever trusted would conspire to such obvious deception. Adorable!
MICHAEL ANDOR BRODEUR
Michael Andor Brodeur can be reached at mbrodeur@globe.com. Follow him on Twitter @MBrodeur.