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The Boston Globe

Television

Television Review

Mannequins on the beach in ‘The Vineyard’

A lot of people are worried about how the new ABC Family reality show “The Vineyard,” set on Martha’s Vineyard, will portray islanders and summer people. Will this “Laguna Beach”-type series insult locals like those two other recent attempts to bring Massachusetts to the nation, A&E’s atrocious “Southie Rules” and VH1’s hideous “Wicked Single”?

I’m more concerned about how the show offends all human beings ever in the history of the world, and not just those on the Vineyard during the summer. ABC Family has assembled 11 mannequins for “The Vineyard” who are so plastic, so Barbie and Ken, so perfectly put together, that they might as well have come marching off a factory line. They’re all actors — I mean models — I mean real people — who preen and prance in bathing suits, while reducing themselves to types to enact little textbook coming-of-age dramas.

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