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Offers of help after layoff can be intimidating

Q. I got laid off [a few] weeks ago, and I am getting calls from my former colleagues asking how I am and inviting me out to lunch, dinner, or drinks. I do appreciate them, but this is all too much too soon. I need a break. I don’t want to burn bridges, or get anyone mad at me, but how can I ask them to back off for a while? I know I’ll need their help. Just not today.

A. Employees just starting their careers and those with years of experience can be affected by job loss; the reactions vary, but many mirror the stages of grief: anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

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Your former colleagues are trying to be supportive, and only you can guide them to provide what you need and when. You can let them know you want to stay in touch, but your focus and timing are different right now.

You might say, “I appreciate the invitations and support. Let me think about my job search, and the help I know you can offer, and I’ll get back to you. I want to have you help me celebrate when I get a new job.”

You might also tell one co-worker that you are OK and will be in touch.

Make sure you have someone to whom you can talk about the effects of the job loss. When you’re ready, you’ll need to maintain your physical and emotional health to have the energy for a successful job search.


Elaine Varelas is managing partner at Keystone Partners, a career management firm in Boston.