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Etiquette at work

Bringing up business at dinner with client

Here’s an interesting situation: A client invites you to dinner. The evening is very pleasant; you talk sports, travel, the weather; but the client never says one word about business. As the meal ends you wonder if you should bring up your business relationship and ask if the client has any concerns he would like to address. Should you or shouldn’t you?

The short answer is the person who does the inviting is responsible for bringing up business topics. You, as the person invited, should follow the client’s lead and not introduce any business topics you were wondering if you should bring up.

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It may be that the person who invited you simply wanted to get to know you better. After all, business is built on relationships. While business meals are a time when business is discussed, they are also an ­opportunity to build relationships — to become more comfortable with a person who may be instrumental in the success of your company.

So in your current predicament, let the client take the lead. If he wants to discuss business, then jump in. But if he doesn’t want to talk business, then it’s not up to you to bring it up.

When you are the person extending the invitation and you decide you want to discuss business during the meal, when is it appropriate to bring it up?

The business lunch or breakfast tends to be a quicker meal, usually just one course. At a breakfast or lunch meeting the chitchat takes place before and during the ordering. But once the order has been placed, the time spent waiting for the food to arrive is the perfect opportunity to focus on the business at hand.

The multiple-course business dinner is a more drawn-out and sometimes more formal affair. In this case, the host should wait until after the main course before bringing up business. It’s hard to focus on business while you are eating. It’s easier once the eating is out of the way.

Finally, even if the client has hosted you previously and technically it’s “your turn,” don’t offer to pay for the meal when the check arrives. The etiquette rule is: Whoever does the asking does the paying. If you do want to pay this time, the time to negotiate is at the time of the ask. “John, I’d enjoy going to dinner again, but this time I’d like to take you.”

E-mail questions about business etiquette to etiquetteatwork@emilypost.com.
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