Ideas

The Twinkie defense

Wait, are you really telling me it’s over?

AP

Seriously, it wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I’m a golden white cake in the snack-addicted United States.

I lifted America through the Great Depression.

I built bakeries and factories. I created jobs.

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I joined Facebook, darn it.

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Polls had me pulling ahead.

They said there was no way a perfectly groomed treat like me could lose.

It’s not my fault that 47 percent of America wants some wheaty lefty cholesterol-freebie.

I earned my success. I did the 100-calorie thing, shed my transfats.

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Of course, there were places I could not compromise: high fructose corn syrup.

Did this anger Ohio?

I know how to run a business, to run a country.

And it’s not handing out gifts.

Not even to the workers who make me.

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You know who says, “Better days are ahead.”

We’ll see about that.

Jenn Abelson can be reached at abelson@globe.com.
Follow her on Twitter @jennabelson.