You know how mountain climbers sometimes experience “false summit” syndrome? Exhausted, thirsty, ready to declare victory, they think they have reached the top, only to have the real summit come into view.
In the midst of the nation’s renewed debate over whether working mothers can or can’t have it all — ignited by a recent Atlantic magazine article — one thing has become clear: Moms get faked out by false summits of their own. Many think the hard work of juggling child care and work will ease once their children get older, only to be surprised by a second peak when the little darlings hit age 10.
Comments
I have the luxury of hindsight. My husband and I took turns being the major breadwinner. I think it is impossible to create balance when there is only one "daily" parent. This discussion is, and must be, a discussion of accommodation by 2 parents. Kids 10 -16 are figuring out how they feel and what they will do intellectually, physically and sexually. They watch what you do and they test to see where the limits are. You have to be there to tell them. Early on, we decided to remain in an urban community near our kids and our jobs. We supplemented the kids education with art lessons,etc. We made it their responsibility to do well in school. We required a lot of them and they resisted. Just as you don't give in to a tantrumming two year old, you don't waver when 12 year olds start the guilt talk. My husband and I sat down with the kids and explained - I have to work until _____, throw in a load of laundry, cook a meal, look around and help. My working and my husband working provided a real life example of the need for them to individually and together help the family. Other cultures require their children to contribute. We should too.