Q. I don’t know what to do. Last December, my boyfriend proposed to me. We planned a small, simple wedding to take place in the early fall. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I found out I am pregnant. While we are happy, it suddenly changed everything.
Legally marrying is going to hurt us financially right now, and we have to consider the baby and how to best provide for it. It’s too late to call off the wedding, and after much discussion we decided we don’t care if the government acknowledges us as married. We would rather be married in the eyes of our friends and family.
We still want to go through with the ceremony — but not tell people about the non-legal aspect. Our parents are the only ones who know. We aren’t registering or asking for gifts. When people ask what we want, we tell them we just want everyone to have a good time. We felt this way even before the baby came into the picture. Is this wrong of us? We plan to go quietly to the courthouse as soon as the situation changes enough to make it reasonable to be legally married. Are we wrong?
A. These days, there is no “wrong” when it comes to tying the knot and having babies. There are babies without weddings, weddings that are really parties, parties that are really weddings, and white bridal gowns that accommodate a pregnant belly. Whoever thought the day would come when people would decide to marry only when their children made the request? It’s the commitment that counts, and your concern for finances makes your decision the smart thing to do. Happy non-marriage and happy baby to you both.
Q. I am in college, and my longtime girlfriend decided to take a gap year. She is finally coming home after not having seen each other for a year. It was our decision to Skype only occasionally; thus, she has not had a chance to see the 20 pounds I gained this year.
Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be a problem, but she lost her father to a coronary due to weigh-related issues. This made her super health-conscious. Because of this, I don’t know how to break the news to her. Should I tell her before I see her? I love her, and I know she loves me. I certainly don’t want to lose her because I’ve been careless about my health this year, nor do I want to seem like I’ve totally disregarded her lifestyle choices. How shall I proceed?
A. If I were you, I would not resort to any kind of advance warning system. That would simply cloud the homecoming.
I would suggest, probably at the moment you see her eyes widen at the sight of you, that you say you missed her so much that you were acting out in the bakery department, but you’ve already started a program to drop those 20 pounds. So start getting a handle on the situation by working out or joining Weight Watchers.