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The Boston Globe


Love Letters

The end of a marriage?

Q.I am in need of some advice and/or maybe some “just deal with it” perspective. I am a married woman with young children. My husband and I got married and then very quickly had children. As a result, we didn’t have a lot of time when it was just the two of us, and the stresses of raising children have definitely gotten to us. Here is where I need the advice . . .

Although I am very confident that my husband is a great father, I am much less confident that we are a healthy couple. I fantasize about divorcing him frequently, and often find myself thinking that if money and kids were not issues, I would be totally out of this relationship. I don’t get much joy out of being with him, and we are constantly bickering with each other over things like cleaning, child rearing, our respective families, etc. I end up getting so angry and disgusted with him and vice versa. We’ve tried couples counseling and it helped a bit, but I think the fundamental issue is that I just don’t like my husband very much. I find him nitpicky, defensive, annoying, and overly demanding. Any reserves we had are pretty much gone. And there’s nothing really wrong with him — he’s a nice guy with a good job, good sense of humor, from a good family, etc. I’m just not that into him. But of course being married with small children makes it pretty difficult to just get up and go. I don’t want to hurt them.

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