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The Boston Globe


Love Letters

He doesn’t want kids

Q. My boyfriend and I have been together nine years, since freshman year of college, and have been friends since middle school. He knows me better than anyone and he can make me laugh like no one else. I have so much fun with him and we’re alike in so many ways — all the ones that are important to me (physically active, love dogs, very laid back). We have everything in common. (Yes, maybe a consequence of basically growing up together. I can’t imagine who I’d be without him.) But, he doesn’t want kids. In fact, he is vehemently against kids (reasons of time, money, relationship stress). We had discussed this in the past but I was almost positive I didn’t want kids either — until recently.
I do.

Maybe he’ll change his mind, but I feel like I can’t really wait around and see. All I can do is go on what he’s saying now. It literally makes my heart hurt when I think about him not being around. I’ve been thinking about this for about a year and I don’t think I can hold it in much longer. But it feels awful to even write, never mind saying it out loud. I’d be crying if I wasn’t at work. I’m terrified, and I’m not even sure it would be the right decision. I don’t even know if I’d regret not having kids (i.e., staying with him). I used to not even want them! And how do you break up with someone you are still in love with?

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