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The Boston Globe


love letters

Why won’t he make plans?

Q. I have been talking to/hanging out with James for a few months. We’re both in our mid-20s, have mutual friends, but only met recently. Our first night together, I had no idea he was even into me until after we got home from the bar. Our two mutual friends had made plans to hang out and we got dragged along. Others were supposed to come, but it ended up just being our mutual friends and us. Throughout the night, he made no advances and I also didn’t make any. After we got home that night, our mutual friends retired to the bedroom and James and I were on the couch. I assured him I’d be fine on the couch and that he could go to bed. Instead he suggested we watch a movie in bed together. I agreed (and was somewhat shocked because I didn’t think he was interested). We ended up spending the entire weekend together and I slept in his bed (without sex, just fooling around) for the next couple nights. We also spent the following weekend together (from Friday night through Sunday). That weekend we did have sex and I knew I definitely wanted to see him again.

Fast forward to today. We text every day (literally) but have only hung out once in the last two weeks and it was on a weeknight. He constantly asks me what my plans are for the weekend and on Friday and Saturday I receive an inevitable text asking me what I’m doing for the night, where I’m going, and what time. However, he never seems to follow through. I have stopped initiating contact. I don’t text him at all unless he texts me, but he frequently texts me (as I stated) asking about plans and just making general chitchat. I should also mention that he is not very straightforward about his interest. For example, I didn’t know he was interested in me that first night until after he propositioned me to the bedroom, and every other time we have hung out, he’s not very physical at all. He usually initiates kissing, but then it’s me who initiates everything else. Obviously I am very confused. Why text me and ask me what I’m up to if he doesn’t have any intention of hanging out? What is up with the physical part? Why wouldn’t he show me affection if he asks me to sleep in his bed?

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