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The Boston Globe


Love Letters

Love Letters: Doubt aroused by his lack of desire

Q. My boyfriend and I have been together about two years and recently moved in together. He’s a warm, affectionate, good-natured guy, and I feel completely comfortable around him. But here’s the problem: he’s not very physically attracted to me. I think it’s a combination of him not having a high sex drive and me not being his physical “type.” He’s not repulsed by me, but also doesn’t make comments or get excited when I’m undressed. Don’t get me wrong, he cuddles a lot and shows tenderness, but there are no fireworks. I consider myself confident and I’m very satisfied with my body. Physical attraction was never a problem in past relationships, but I also acknowledge that I’d never experienced true love before my current relationship.

We’ve had conversations about it in the past, and I’ve felt better afterward. But is this something I can live with forever? If we get married, will I resent him for it? How vital is this aspect of the relationship?

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