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Love Letters

Is she his social media girlfriend?

Q. I met a guy through some friends a couple of months ago. His long-term girlfriend had recently broken up with him, so I was tentative at first. It started off normal — a handful of dates, some texting here and there throughout the day. He seemed very interested and all the signs led me to believe we were heading in the right direction.

Then I started to feel like he was pulling back a little. He was not putting dates on the book as much as I would have liked, but the texting picked up, big time. All of a sudden we were texting all day but not hanging out in person much or at all.

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I have been doing the typical back and forth in my head about why he started to pull back on seeing me. But at the end of the day, I know that the answer is that he is just not that into me.

So I guess my question is: Why make all the effort to be in contact with me? Why not take the many opportunities I have given him to gracefully fade away? Why send texts, and Gchats, and SnapChats on a daily basis? Am I some kind of Social Media girlfriend? What is the point?

DATING IN 2013 IS EXHAUSTING

A. Why is he contacting you if he’s not interested? Because he can. And because he’s bored. And because texting is an easy way to keep someone around. It’s a way to feel appreciated and alive without having to make much of an effort. I believe that some people get a little high every time they text with someone who likes them.

I’d be curious to know what these texts are about. Does he ask you questions? Or he is just telling you about his life and making observations? If that’s all he’s doing, you’re not even a social media girlfriend. You’re like a lone Twitter follower. That’s annoying.

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If I were you, I’d shut this down by asking him what’s going on. You can even do it by text. As in, “We’re seeing each other so much less and texting more. Is that your way of letting this go? I don’t want a pen pal.”

Get a response so that you don’t have any what-ifs. And if he sticks around, feel free to tell him that you’d rather not text. You can always respond, “It’s a busy day and I can’t text. Want to call me later instead?” It’s almost 2014, but I think people still know how to make phone calls.MEREDITH

READERS RESPOND:

He’s keeping you warm on the backburner with all the weekday texts, and then probably seeing someone else on the weekend. Sorry, but that seems most likely to me.
ENJOYEVERYSANDWICH

Stop being so passive. Why are you letting him take the reins on this? Have you even asked him what’s up? This is not that difficult.
ALYSSAJONES

I text people when I’m bored. It sounds like he does the same thing.
JUST-ANOTHER-BOSTONIAN

Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters. Meredith Goldstein can be reached at mgoldstein@globe.com.

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