The police department of Lawrence, Kan., wants college students to have a jail-free experience and are hoping their student-friendly tweets will help it happen.
In a series of tweets Friday, the department advised returning and incoming students to follow their tips for avoiding arrests during their college years.
And though the department’s tweets are directed to its local University of Kansas students, the advice is applicable to college campuses across the country.
Tip No. 1: Don’t sell weed out of your dorm or apartment. You’ll get robbed. At gunpoint.
We'll respond, you'll claim some strangers barged in and stole your TV and a safe with "money" in it. Bruh, it ain't our first rodeo.— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
What really happened? Two strangers decided robbing you at gunpoint was probably easier than selling weed themselves.
“This is not debatable, it is inevitable,” they wrote.
You're still a victim, and we will probably find the people who did it. But c'mon, you lost your xbox and TV for some beer money bro.— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Tip No. 2: House parties aren’t worth it.
If you decide to throw one anyway, your friend Chad will bring too many extra people, your cat Charlie will go missing, and your elderly neighbor will likely call the cops on you.
Oh, and someone may get sick on your kitchen floor, too.
Now you've got a court date, Charlie is in the pound, and Chad has slept on your couch for 3 weeks and ate all your mac n chz. Sweet party.— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
Tip No. 3: When you leave a bar with a late-night urge to fight, it’s just the alcohol talking.
The liquid courage may have you thinking it?s necessary to defend the legacy of the family name against the guy in the care bears shirt.— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017
The guy you wanted to fight with? He wasn’t actually insulting you, and he’s also twice your size.
Your friends will try to hold you back, but in your drunken state, you’ll break free, stumble forward, and moments later, end up on the ground.
Felicia Gans can be reached at email@example.com. Follow her on Twitter @FeliciaGans.
As Officer Friendly lays a disorderly conduct citation on your chest, you realize: Fighting outside the bar isn?t worth it. Write that down.— Lawrence Police (@LawrenceKS_PD) August 11, 2017