Two months after getting married, Dr. Jennifer Lucarelli started an 80-hour-a-week job as a pediatric resident. The 29-year-old quickly realized she would need to adjust her expectations for herself.

“You are supposed to be that wife, that cultural ideal who has dinner on the table and is always available to go with him to his work events as the supportive wife,’’ she said. “But I am not always available. And he is often cooking for himself.’’