To look at me, you wouldn’t think I’m a person with a hair guru. But I am. Or was.

She was Jennifer Aniston, and when I heard last week that she’d teamed up with a hair-products company I was ecstatic. I didn’t put it this baldly to myself, but here was my train of thought: If I use what she’s using, my hair will be just like hers, albeit not blonde, not the subject of international attention, not commanding millions per movie. But other than that, we’d be follicular twins.