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Can shoes make you look fat? Yes, says Vogue magazine

Actress Jessica Chastain in platforms at the premiere of “Zero Dark Thirty” in LA.

Michael Buckner/Getty Images

Actress Jessica Chastain in platforms at the premiere of “Zero Dark Thirty” in LA.

Vogue editors, have you read your own magazine? When you were laying out the January story on “breaking the platform [shoe] habit,” in which you talk about how platform shoes make wearers look fat, and prompt them to “clomp” and “galumph” through life, did anyone in the room recall the “Accessories Spring 2012” item on Vogue.com lauding “The New Platform” — the very shoes I think you just turned on? In case trend-induced amnesia has set in, here’s what it said: “… the updated platform registered as the freshest, most interesting approach to elevating your look for spring.”

What happened between Spring 2012 and Spring 2013? Now, it’s woe to the fool who dons those “clunkers” — that’s your word. “Amazonian footwear may have its virtues,” you wrote, “but delicacy and grace are not among them.”

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In the January piece pushing “thin-soled shoes,” when you quote Jimmy Choo’s creative director, Sandra Choi, dissing platforms (“The platform tends to enlarge the lower end of our bodies”), did anyone think it a bit awkward that less than 50 pages away, in a two-page front-of-the-book ad, Dior shows a model wearing just such shoes? Or that your own “Beauty” section shows a model wearing … you know whats?

In your zeal to convince women to ditch their entire shoe wardrobes — hideous though the shoes may be — did you worry that readers might approach your future proclamations with a bit more skepticism?

Nah, probably not. After all, platforms are known in some circles as “hoof shoes,” and when it comes to fashion, what are many of us but sheep?

With apologies to New York Times restaurant critic Pete Wells.

Beth Teitell can be reached at bteitell@globe.com. Follow her on Twitter @bethteitell.
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