L.J., I'm glad you asked this question. What in the world are these men thinking? I, too, have often wondered what is a "proper response". My knee jerk reaction is a combination of unreasonable anger, sadness, and confusion. Smile? Why? Because you don't find me acceptable as I am, a normal human being minding my own business? Or because gee, I just look so sad and you thought I'd warmly accept your smile demand? We must smile on demand for these ignorant idiots and if we do not, we are clearly crazy psycho feminists. In any case, every time I find myself in this situation, I end up pulling out my reliable Ms. Steinem while reminding myself not every man (using this term loosely here) finds it acceptable to treat women in this manner.

I'm a guy and I have also been plagued my entire adult life by people telling me to smile. I cannot tell you how often I have been feeling just fine and had people come up and ask me what's wrong. I look around at other people and they're not all walking around randomly grinning like idiots so why am I the one who gets singled out for my, apparently, dreary expression? I've thought about this and I think some of us just have faces which, at rest, hang in a way that looks particularly dour. I use to get really angry when someone would say, "Why don't you smile?" and I would often respond with something like, "Leave and I will" I've tried smiling more, but I just end up looking and feeling demented. Now, I'm a little older and I try to just shrug it off even though it still annoys. I've had to accept it's my lot in life and deal with it.

Miss Conduct hit both questions out of the park. Yes and yes on her response to LJ. This happened to me all the time in my college years (and some years afterward). And she is quite correct that you one day cross a line when they don't see you at all. Problem solved. Good answer on question 2, also. Even though you remember quite clearly that you met them at Sam & Janet's wedding two years ago, act as if you are slowly remembering. It saves embarrassment and gives you a starting point for conversation.