It worked for us on the very, very few occasions I felt I had to do it. These 15+ years later I still have some guilt but it was my choice, my right and it worked. Let the anonymous "your'e a monster" skewering begin!

I'm curious about the 'it's my right to spank' argument. We would not accept that it is an adult's right to hit someone else's child, so why is it ok to hit one's own?

You failed to define "spanking", a crucial missing piece. How do we know exactly what type of assault on the child was studied by the scientists: Just a hand on a clothed bottom, a smack on a bare bottom, the use of some weapon or device, like a wooden spoon or a hairbrush, on a bare bottom to make the smack harder and more painful, a whack with a belt, a rap on the knuckles, a knuckle sandwich on the child's head? (The last was my ex-husband's favorite method of child abuse which a fellow sailor told him was effective but harmless; sure it is). There is also nothing said about under what circumstances or for what reasons a spank is administered. Are people spanking just for life-threatening or dangerous situations, like disappearing in a store; are people finding that once they spank for a serious situation they are more apt to spank for other, less serious, infractions like being smart alecky; are people spanking for bathroom accidents? Your article makes no distinction amongst the nature of the infractions or the severity of the spank.

A little spank works. Anything more doesn't. No parent should have carte blanche in disciplining their child.

While babysitting my 6 year old nephew he was acting up and disturbing a plumber working in my bathroom. After yelling at him a few times to no avail, I whacked him on the behind. HE WAS IN TOTAL SHOCK. He obviously had never been disciplined that way even though he was a handful. I believe that he should have been spanked more often as he has given his parents a lot of upset stomachs with his behavior at 20. This child was, and still is, the most loveable charming boy in the world when he wants to be, but without discipline because he never received any.

I'll weigh in against spanking, or at least for an absolute minimal use of it. I'm a fairly successful father of two now nearly grown. Most important is that I had managed to establish respect and authority with both children without use of physical punishment. THAT IS THE KEY. It starts early, and can be established through love and respectful direction and taking advantage of a young child's natural desire to please his/her parents and great desire not to sit in a time out (or miss a play date, or lose a favorite program...) Those of you saying that spanking has worked are probably right, but only because you chose that path or couldn't sustain the non-physical discipline route. The very few times I hit my son (yes, it happens, out of frustration or worse, anger), it immediately enraged him and made him so furious that the discipline was lost and all he remembered was the anger and shock of being hit. I regretted it almost immediately and felt embarrassment and a bit of shame. (How tempting it might be to overcome that shame and frustration by escalating the spanking to get your kid in line?) In hindsight, the real advantage is that non-corporal discipline inevitably requires a detailed dialogue with the child -- what you did, why this is my response, how you can get back in my graces -- which I think is shut off the moment the parent gets physical or event starts that direction and the child turns to fear. Physical fear is not a good state in which to learn discipline or anything else. And, by not relying on physical punishment for discipline, I have avoided the risk of escalating to abusive and harmful levels, which is probably closer at "hand" than many spankers might think.

Spanking someone else's child could be seen as a transgression on their right to raise the child as they see fit. Also, physical discipline of a child exists within the larger context of the parent - child relationship, hopefully a positive one. Parents should make clear they love the child even if they have to spank them. In other words, spanking should never be an angry reaction by parents, but a conscious choice to stop the child's destructive behavior, one that associates actions with consequences.

I grew up receiving the rare spank when I was completely out of line, this delivered by my Mom, the disciplinarian in my family, who delivered that spank sometimes with the wooden spoon, otherwise used for the spaghetti vs. my bottom if she happened to catch me. I have not grown up to be an abuser. I am not depressed, emotionally volatile to a any violent degree, my IQ has not suffered that I am aware of, I am not unstable. I have spanked my own children, but rarely, and mostly when other options at meting out a consequence have been ineffective, their behavior has been so over-the-top uncontrollable that it was the only way to get a message of discipline across to them or, most importantly to let them know it is not they, as children, who will make the rules, but me as their Mother. Here is where "the stakes feel too high not to.......", as kids today have lost the reverence for their parents and authority that my generation held sacred as children. There is a distinct difference between HITTING, which is meant to inflict pain and hurt, and SPANKING, which sends a message that children need to respect rules, and understand discipline and consequence. I do not regret having spanked my children but there remains in me that niggling feeling of guilt and apology at having done it, as much due to regret that other methods might not have been effective and I laid a hand on them, as to the "popular opinion" (which I see as euphemistic for "witch hunt") today in regards to corporal punishment. Spanking has been the ultimate message to my children that it is not they who will lord authority over their parent. It galls me to no end that there are those who seek to control my parenting in my own home, or label me, when there has never been an intent to hurt my children, but to send a message. And I clarify that my hands delivering a spank on the clad bottom are not a weapon and there is no comparison to be made to strapping a child with a belt. I am not a perfect mother, but I am a good mother, one who could not love her children more. I have been their greatest advocate, support system, deliverer of more kisses than could be counted in a day. My goal is to protect, nurture and guide my children to the best they can be in whatever endeavor they choose, and as importantly, to have respect, kindness, and the utmost empathy for others. Should I be put in the category of abuser if I spank my children? I say: NAY.

From the article: "When it comes to discipline, perhaps most parents who choose to spank — going against academic research, public opinion, even their own beliefs — do it because the stakes feel too high not to." I disagree. Parents who spank do so because they lack the skills, strength, patience, understanding, and intelligence to do otherwise. They do it not because the children are out of control, but because the parents themselves are out of control - so out of control that they have to *assault* a child to communicate with that child. I have not seen ONE scientific study that shows that any kind of corporal punishment is beneficial to the child in ANY way. All of the studies I've seen over the years conclude otherwise: spanking harms and damages children, erodes their trust in their parents, and causes emotional confusion about love and abuse. Assaulting children under the guise of "discipline" only serves the parent, not the child. What it does is produce compliance and obedience through violence, fear rather than respect, and acclimates children to the world of bullying (as both victim and perpetrator). Our prisons are *filled* with people who were disciplined with corporal punishment....why do people really think it works? From: http://www.nospank.net "As long as the child will be trained not by love, but by fear, so long will humanity live not by justice, but by force. As long as the child will be ruled by the educator's threat and by the father's rod, so long will mankind be dominated by the policeman's club, by fear of jail, and by panic of invasion by armies and navies." BORIS SIDIS, from "A lecture on the abuse of the fear instinct in early education" in Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 1919 With all that said, on one frustrating day when my oldest was a toddler, I called my mother and said "Mom, do you remember how I argued with you about how you hit us when we were kids, and how I thought it was abusive and poor parenting, and swore that I would never do that to my children? Yes? I just wanted you to know that I still believe that, and will *never* strike my child, but I wanted to let you know that I now understand *why* you did it." Sheer and utter frustration. That does not make it right, or acceptable, however.

"All of the studies I've seen over the years conclude otherwise: spanking harms and damages children, erodes their trust in their parents, and causes emotional confusion about love and abuse. Assaulting children under the guise of "discipline" only serves the parent, not the child. What it does is produce compliance and obedience through violence, fear rather than respect, and acclimates children to the world of bullying (as both victim and perpetrator)" You are speaking here of "studies".......and I am speaking as a woman, who as a child, was occasionally spanked, not beaten. I am sure my mother probably spanked me to send the same message I wanted to send to my own child. I was not assaulted, nor do I assault my children on the rare occasions I have spanked them. I love my mother, respect her and my father and have no issue at all with how my siblings and I were raised and disciplined. In fact, I invariably hold her up to my children as a model. My siblings and I did not argue or cajole, listened to my parents and respected what their rules were. We were responsible, we were not spoiled, we helped out when asked, well-adjusted, and happy. I am an over achiever: a health professional, an artist, a dancer, a chef, a good and loyal friend, a loving mother. I am one of the most nurturing parents I know. I continue to be a supreme advocate for my children, one of whom is disabled, constantly involved, here to protect and guide them to be the kind of adult I am: not entitled, successful, caring and empathic. My children have manners, are pleasant to others outside of my home, and hopefully understand appropriate behavior most of the time. I do not expect them to be angels 100% of the time, I am flexible, I understand their frustrations, I will listen if they are able to discuss what they need and want, help them to think about what is best for them, what solutions may work.....but ultimately, I will make the decision as to what is best for them, and I will also act as the authoritarian. The only time I have spanked them is to send that message. My children are not afraid of me, just as I was not afraid of my mother. There are times that there will be no argument or question of my authority. To label me or any other parent who spanks their children as assaultive, is a disgrace and an unwarranted insult. It is a misguided generalization. If you read my post you will find that I said there are other options and I choose those first. There are also times that a spanking, and I do not mean a forceful hurtful whack, is effective.

Spanking may "work" in the short term to stop an immediate behavior but the lesson you are teaching is that you can't cope with stress, don't know how to relate and communicate, and you think it is OK to abuse people who are smaller and weaker. Just don't be surprized if your child comes to resent you (and -- fair is fair-- perhaps slap you around when you get old and weak). >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> By the way, don't be fooled by the picture of Don with the Bible and confident look -- he's clueless, perhaps well-intentioned, perhaps not, but clueless all the same.

The issue is whether the child or adolescent has control over the situation. For instance, the child must know that if s/he behaves properly, s/he will be rewarded not punished; and if s/he does not behave properly, a punishment would come. The punishment could be a simple time out from receiving reinforcement or a reprimand. Some folks may use spanking in these instances. Although I do not believe in spanking, if it is used in a consistent way, to teach the child the right thing, it may be OK ( but I am not sure). However, in many instance of spanking, the parents are just taking out their frustrations on an innocent kid. It really isn't about teaching a lesson. I received some physical and psychological abuse by my very frustrated mother. I am fifty-eight years old now and I still have flashbacks, and I am plagued with insomnia. This is the gift that my mother gave me. Toxic stress will have long lasting effects into adulthood. Don't do this to your kids. Better to be safe than sorry, use something like Phelan's 123 Magic.

Here's another tip: don't lie to your kids. My father used to say (just before he spankied me) "This hurts me more than it hurts you". An obvious lie, and one that greatly increased the frustration (while he didn't seem to enjoy it, he didn't seem to mind it either). The interesting thing is that while he was wrong in the short term (the way he meant it), he was right in the long term. I'm sure my attitude towards him (and, therefore, our relationship) was negatively impacted. Do you really want your kids to be fantasizing about hitting you over the head with a brick?...

Spanking = Failure to Teach. At the first point when you begin to consider spanking them, go back and figure out how and what you have failed to *teach them*, and for god's sake TRY AGAIN.

My parents had five sons and two daughters and we did not get hit or spanked. It is not necessary to spank!

My husband and I have raised 3 children- two from birth and one adopted from the age of 15. Spanking is not necessary and is, ultimately, harmful. Children watch and learn from what you do not what you say. The message of spanking is - "I'm bigger than you and I can hurt you to make you do what I want." It is a message of bullying. It is harder to model controlled adult problem solving. How do we want our children to react when they are frustrated and angry? That is the behavior we model and explain repetatively until a child learns. Yes it is hard, it is exhausting but spanking is not the answer. I am a first grade teacher. Kids misbehave all the time. If you believe that spanking is the "only way" to control your child then you must support the schools in utilizing "the effective" method of discipline. If you spank you are setting up your child to believe that the teacher is not serious because his/her bottom line is never corporal punishment. Remember, what you DO imprints on your child. Do you really want to model bully behavior??