A FEW MONTHS AGO, a friend I’ve known for 30 years decided to call it quits, severing our relationship over the phone. “I don’t know you. And you don’t know me,” she said, her words as sharp and crisp as a subfreezing New England day. Stunned, I pondered her accusations. Apparently an off-the-cuff remark I made after dinner one night left her seething.
“I don’t have time for 40-minute phone calls,” I had said. Or so she says I said, and I’m not about to argue. That sounds like me. I mean, who has time for such a luxury? I barely have time to answer e-mails and texts and do chores and work, never mind settling down for a nice long chat.
Comments
You posted the spat on Facebook. Way to rub it in, Necee. I'd unfriend you too. You're not a nice person.
Agreed! I was about to post a reply to that effect. When I saw your post, I had to reply to it.
People complain how there is no privacy, but then post EVERYTHING on Facebook!
I use Facebook as well to keep in touch but if an old friend called me on the phone and wanted to talk, then I would make the time. It is pretty clear that you value your time in front of a computer or smart phone than the simple interaction with a friend using 'old fashioned' technology. And that is sad. Life is not measured by how many 'Likes' you get on FB.
Agreed. The writer seems completely concerned with your feelings of being "dumped" but expresses no concern re: her friend's hurt feelings.
I was on your side for a little while because I am not a fan of the "active friend breakup". However, you are not a nice person. While I am not on Facebook, I understand its appeal in keeping up with friends. I definitely avail myself other technologies--email and texting for example. I've never been a phone person, so I appreciate these tools. It has definitely made it easier to stay in touch and most importantly, it makes it easier to make plans to see each other in person. But it can not replace talking to or seeing our friends.
I do not think your friend is technology averse. I think she is telling you she feels you no longer have time for her. I don't think she "broke up" with you because of an off the cuff remark. It's probably more like you don't really make time to talk or get together. You say yourself that you'd rather spend time on the Internet with people you don't know than get together with a friend for some mutual storytelling. I'd think you really weren't into our friendship either. I can't say I'd actively end it, but I probably wouldn't make much time for you either.
On top of that, you add insult to injury by posting your spat on the Internet like a mean girl 7th grader trying to increase your popularity among strangers. If you are truly disturbed by the riffs, as you call them, take responsibility for your role in this one.
Very often what one thinks is the "cause" of the breakup was actually the "straw that broke the camel's back".
Well said ash !!
I'm totally with the friend on this one. People want to be acknowledged as individuals, not as part of a big mass. Sharing your vacation pix with hundreds of people on FB is boring. Sharing with one person along with a cup of tea and talking about other stuff is fun and develops a relationship.
The author might consider reading Sherry Turkle's work (the MIT communications researcher). One point Turkle makes is that nowadays many people lack the ability to have a real-time conversation because they're so used to controlling the conversation the way one can through texts, FB, etc. They've lost the skills to exchange ideas fluidly or deal with emotions or surprises in a discussion.
The only reason you put your discussion on FB, was to hurt her even more. Enjoy your fake friends on FB, weirdo! BTW:Facebook is not cool anymore. It's boring, like you!
Ironic that the word over the headline is "Connections."
Facebook is for losers, and this vindictive person is Exhibit A
When you're ill some day and need someone to stop at the grocery for you to pick up some essentials perhaps you can have your Facebook contacts help you out. Oops - they can't, can they, 'cause they're in Cleveland or someplace. Guess you'll have to do without. So sad.
There IS that. Bravo!
Facebook is a tool not a replacement for human interaction. Nothig can replace that moment where a look between two old friends can result in an outburst of crying laughter or that moment where one friend supports another resulting in tears for both. I use facebook but not as a replacement for close contact with friends. All too often the stuff I see on facebook reminds me of the juvenile posturing that I observed in high school.
What a God-awful... piece of writing.
Indeed, and catty-nasty to boot.
One thing I don't like about FB users, is that if you refuse to join FB, they often won't contact you forever in any other way. I place a value on my privacy and I won't be sucked in, and if that's the only kind of friend they can be, through FB, then I'm not interested. What's good about FB, is that some people don't have the need anymore to fwd every dumb email to everyone in their address book, they just post it on their page, and because I don't have FB, I don't have to read them!
I agree with the friend. I enjoy facebook for short glimpses into friends lives who I would not see or speak to daily or on a regular basis. I also enjoy the mini gatherings we have to see each other in person and talk. I work on phones all day so I don't want to talk to my daughter on the phone after 8 hours but dinner or coffee and I'm in. The mean girl whining on FB after the breakup is jr. high and if you could know someone for 30 years you are too old for it.
Old friends are the best friends, and rare. Sounds like someone needs to lose their self-involvement and grow up. I applaud the Old Friend for saying it like it is. Not very nice to put the disagreement in a big nationally read broadsheet either. Jesus....