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Love Letters

She kissed her married co-worker. Now what?

They agreed to forget it, but then she found out there was more to the story.

Q. Meredith, there is a married man at work who’s very smooth and secure and has this crazy charisma. The other night, we were all out and quite drunk. I basically told him that I liked him, but that I also respect the fact that he is married. He told me he felt the same way. We kissed at the end of the night.

The very next day I apologized and told him that we should not speak of that night again. I know it was wrong; I’m not proud of it.

Days later, I was out with one of my other co-workers and she mentioned that this man had messaged her and told her that if he wasn’t married, he would be interested in her. She got that message the same night he and I were out.

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Obviously, I’m pretty annoyed. 1. He is married and always says he is so in love with his wife. 2. He flirts with two colleagues at the same time. 3. He has stopped including me in hangouts.

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After learning that he’d messaged my friend, I’d really had enough and told him that if he were happily married, he wouldn’t message me or my colleague. Then I blocked his number and told him that from now on “I’m just your colleague, and don’t bother me.” The issue is that I really don’t want to talk to him. How do I interact with him without it being obvious that I’m angry at him?

  — Annoyed

A. If you considered yourself capable of going back to work and ignoring your romantic feelings for this man, you should also be able to compartmentalize your anger. You must get through the day and focus on your tasks like a professional. Really, this can’t be the first time you’ve had to play nice with someone you don’t enjoy.

You should also force yourself to think about why you’re so angry. You weren’t that upset when this man was willing to betray his marriage to pursue a crush on you. You were flattered — maybe a little bit excited. The anger came into play when you felt left out and passed over. You’re upset because you thought you had a meaningful night with this guy, only to find out that he was multi-tasking.

Try to let go of the jealousy and rejection and focus on the fact that he has always been unavailable. Go to work. Be civil. Take long walks when you need to. Keep the number blocked.

 — Meredith

READERS RESPOND

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I don’t think you’re that upset it happened, I think you’re upset that you found out you weren’t the only one and that you’ve been played for a fool. Well, you have been, and you deserved it because you acted a fool.

MOVING-TARGET

I want him to cheat on his wife — but I want him to cheat on his wife with ME!! :stomps foot:

THENURSE

Take responsibility for your actions. Your letter is laced with “it’s not my fault;” he’s very smooth, he’s charismatic, you both were drinking. These are smokescreens.

MABBITTY

There’s a lot going on here, and you’re not being completely honest with yourself. A small part of you was hoping you were awesome enough to pull him away (at least emotionally) from his wife.

THATJNEENGRRL

Charismatic and drunk is no way to go through life.

VALENTINO

Columns and responses are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters. Send letters, questions, and comments to meredith.goldstein@globe.com.