Magazine

Love Letters

When does it make sense to move for a long-distance partner?

I happily fled frosty Massachusetts; is it crazy to let love drag me back?

In Season One of her new Love Letters podcast, Meredith Goldstein explores what happens when love ends in a breakup. Listen to the podcast now, and subscribe via Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, and RadioPublic.

Q. Meredith,

Last fall, I moved from Massachusetts to be closer to my family, where the weather is beautiful and people are a lot happier and friendlier. I’m glad I am here. But, before I left, I met a woman. We had a few dates and discovered we enjoy each other a lot. We decided we’d continue to communicate and see each other.

She’s awesome: hilarious, warm, creative, active, and thoughtful. I am certain she is the one and she feels the same way about me. All good, right? Well, yes, except for the thousand miles between us. The distance allowed for a good pace for the relationship. But now it sucks that one of us has to get on a plane to get to the other. I’m tempted to move back or change jobs so I can work remotely and spend more time with her. She also has the opportunity to work here, and is working on that.

Advertisement

We are not young — we were both born before the original Star Wars. I am looking for guidance on this next installment.

Moved

Get Today's Headlines in your inbox:
The day's top stories delivered every morning.
Thank you for signing up! Sign up for more newsletters here

A. OK, first of all, easy on the “people are a lot happier and friendlier” where I am thing. We Massachusetts residents are working on our iciness. It’s just that sometimes we’re surrounded by actual ice.

As someone who was born a month after the release of the first Star Wars (or the fourth episode, if we’re being specific), I will tell you that it sounds like it’s time to do all of the things you mentioned. Work remotely so that you can be closer to this woman. Decide (together) whether it’s easier for one of you to relocate.

Clearly, you’re thrilled about her and want to take a risk. Would it be so bad if you moved back to Boston and dedicated more vacation time to visiting your family in that happy, sunny place?

You don’t seem to have much of a problem here, so I think your letter is more about hearing that it’s OK to undo your move — and to make big decisions about someone you’ve only been with long distance. But you know the answer, right? You’re all in and want to try. So go for it.

— Meredith

READERS RESPOND

Advertisement

This just sounds like a long brag that you’re happy, in love, and someplace warm. This is not what we want to hear right now. CONCERNEDCITIZENONDUTY

“We Massachusetts people are working on our iciness.” We are? THE_BRIDE

You moved for a reason. See if your significant other can relocate and get a job near you. Option 2: Get a job you can work at remotely, and discuss moving in with her. I would be reluctant to move back to Massachusetts, unless: a) you’ve already taken at least a weeklong vacation together; or b) you’ve been dating for over six months, and there are no red flags. GDCATCH

There is no right or wrong decision. It’s a choice. If you are truly a couple, then it’s a choice that you both have to make together. SEXUAL-CHOCOLATE

Submit your question to Meredith here.

Meredith Goldstein’s memoir, “Can’t Help Myself,” is now available.