fb-pixelBlizzards can seem like the end of the world - The Boston Globe Skip to main content
KEVIN CULLEN

Blizzards can seem like the end of the world

I don’t see the point of writing this column because no one is going to read it. The world is about to end. I saw it on the news.

Having watched TV nonstop for 24 hours, I sent the wife out for supplies Monday morning. She has not come back. She was headed to the Shaw’s in Weymouth, because their deli is sumptuous and the guy who cuts the meat has a great beard and is a fine conversationalist.

But, knowing my missus, I’m guessing she tried to save on gas and drove up to the Hannaford’s in Norwell and, let’s face it, she’s probably been trampled by the good women of Hingham, Rockland, and Hanover as they filled their carriages with bagels, coffee, and Lemon Pledge.

Advertisement



I love my wife, but, frankly, these are parlous times, snow of epic proportions, and if she had to go like this, trying to feed her family, then at least it was a noble end.

In the meantime, I’ve been surfing through the channels, and it occurs to me that I don’t even know any of the weather people anymore, except maybe Harvey Leonard. What the flip happened? JC Monahan’s a news anchor now. Where’s Ed Carroll? Ed’s from Quincy, for cripesake. I saw him at the South Shore Plaza once. I trusted him.

I was talking to the mayor, Marty Walsh, about the storm and he seemed positively sanguine about the situation.

“Marty,” says I, “it’s the apocalypse. I just saw it on TV.”

Boston’s mayor responded with some tripe about using common sense and common courtesy and we’ll get through this, and I’m thinking, “What’s got into this guy?” Keeping his head when everyone around him is losing theirs? I’m very worried about Marty.

This is Charlie Baker’s first ride at the snow rodeo as governor and he was steely calm when he showed up at the bunker in Framingham Monday afternoon. He’s ditched his predecessor’s MEMA fleece in favor of a suit, a sturdy raft of placidity in a sea of panic. What fun is that? He’s as bad as Marty.

Advertisement



The governor actually had the audacity to point out that it snows around here and sometimes it snows a lot. He obviously didn’t get the memo. This is no time for levelheadedness. Blizzards are like roller coasters: they’re only fun if they scare the bejeebers out of you.

I want the governor on the PIP screen, talking about how Worcester has more or less disappeared, while Pete Bouchard is on the larger screen, telling us we’re all gonna die.

By my count, there are about a half-dozen new weather people on Channels 4, 5, 7, and 25 since the last big storm. And if they don’t show the appropriate amount of hysteria during this, their first New England blizzard, I say ship their sorry carcasses back to whatever hick station they came from.

I got a Facebook message from a friend who grew up in Chelsea but is now working in Spain.

“Is this storm,” she asked, “going to be as bad as they’re all saying?”

Oh, far worse, I told her. There are no bananas in the supermarkets. Yes, they have no bananas. And the stores have run out of everything. I went to Staples to get one of those long wooden rulers but the sales lady told me some guy in a cool, puffy parka came in earlier and bought them all. She was pretty sure he was from one of the TV stations.

Advertisement



When I asked how she could be so sure, she sounded like Warren Zevon: “His hair was perfect.”

Yeah, well mine ain’t. I’ve been wearing a wool hat since Sunday. I even wore my hat and boots to sleep. My wife was upset about that. But, then, that may no longer be an issue.


Kevin Cullen is a Globe columnist. He can be reached at cullen@globe.com.