“I am SO not wearing that!”
The battle cry heard around the tween world. It’s that time of year again, the dreaded back-to-school clothes shopping. Gone are the easy days of diapers and potty training.
The ever important must haves change each year, but the challenge doesn’t: How much freedom to give your children to develop their own sense of style.
How do you choose your battles and when do you just allow the rips, the sparkles, the distressed and low-hanging jeans? Jeans that hang down, oh, so elegantly that you can see the boxer brand label and more? (Absolutely not, no way, never.)
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Sparkles and bedazzled bling things on clothes, absolute yes. Anything that delivers a happy message during the school year is a good thing.
Their desire to establish their own sense of style must meet the following rules of happy mommydom: “QTAP” is the back-to-school acronym that will defuse any shopping argument in the midst of a heated mallscapade!
Quality
Trend
Appropriateness
Price
Quality — You will need to be strong for this. They will push back with amazing strength and fortitude. But they are children, your children, and you must win. Quality of garments is imperative and non-negotiable. Even if budget is not a concern, and seriously when is it not a concern? Buy clothing and shoes that are built to last. Boys like to blow out the knees on pants for fun. In fact, they are greatly disappointed if it takes longer than a few hours. Easy on the designer duds if you know knee blowouts are at a near Olympic sport status in your home. Levis are making a comeback and at $30 per pair who can argue? Clothing that withstands wash cycles is always a yes.
Trend — There is no denying the power of peer pressure. Don’t be “that mom,” the one who refuses to acknowledge the trends and instead harkens back to a time of polyester, matching dresses, elastic waistbands and short-sleeved dress shirts. #ew. Allow your child to blend a little, to be just enough cool by owning that skater shirt, those sport shorts that very closely resemble Tintin pants. Let your little girl get a teeny-tiny bit grungy with the retro rock band T-shirt. Don’t underestimate the message of media. Our children know what’s hot and what’s not. Let them ride the cool wave just enough. A little rip in the jean, a touch of chunky jewelry with the T-shirt dress, a squirt of gel to get that mini-faux hawk to almost stand up, give that all an exuberant yes.
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Appropriateness — This is the area of the slippery slope. The definition of appropriate will vary with every parent, for each child. When enforced it’s pretty much guaranteed to cause at least one bone-chilling “I Hate You!” — especially from the tween set. However, it is necessary. Children need to dress like children. Not like an extra from the latest music video shot on Sunset Strip. Recognizing once again that our children are aware of media, our responsibility as parents is to guide them into a closet that allows for playing and learning and interacting with friends, and steering them away from junky “chic” styles. Midriff styles and hot pants are not adorable, they are absolutely wrong.
Price — Price is closely associated with appropriateness. A child’s wardrobe should not be comparable in value to that of his/her parents, no matter which designer has launched a mini-me collection. Trust me, as tempting as these lines are it’s just obscene the pricing! There are enough retail options to ensure budget conscious shopping while still buying amazing pieces for our little lambs. A fun and liberating shopping practice for both parent and child is a fun game I call “In Basket.” Sit your tween in front of a computer at their favorite shopping site. Tell them to surf, click, and fill basket. Then sit together and edit the basket. They feel empowered with their choices, you both feel closer for editing together and discussing the value of a dollar, pricing and styles, and you feel comfortable with “their” choices. Gotta love those win-win parenting situations!
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Just think, before you know it your kids will be back at school, and the biggest dilemma you’ll face will be what to pack in their lunch — and what you are going to wear!
Patricia Marks-Martinovich lives in a suburb west of Boston and is the author of reversecommuter.com, “a fashion blog for the suburbanly challenged.”