I am pleased to announce that I have been named deputy assistant undersecretary of the Eventual Mission to Mars. This is, as you know, a high-powered job, commensurate with my deep and deserved career accomplishments. It is the sort of job I was destined to hold. And I don’t want to waste a minute of my precious and valuable time worrying about my family’s welfare when I’m out of the house. In other words, I am out to achieve the elusive Work-Life Balance at the very highest levels of the workforce. It’s not as if Mars can wait.
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