It feels somehow both quaint and pathologically up to date for my wife and I to be devoting any serious thought at all to the question of whether to allow our 12-year-old daughter to read Stephenie Meyer’s “Twilight” books.
This is the kind of problem that makes parents of my generation feel ancient and overprotective. My wife and I grew up in very different communities, but both of us had the same experience as young readers: Kids read whatever they wanted to read, and their parents had barely an inkling of what they were up to. I went to libraries and used bookstores on my own from an early age, chose what I wanted, and didn’t bother to tell my parents about it. They could see, just by scanning the lurid covers of the books I left all over the house, that much of what I read was pulp fiction featuring swordplay and gore, but I appeared to be reading a lot and I was doing all right in school, so they were satisfied. They could perhaps be roused to an opinion about an R-rated movie, but it apparently never occurred to them that it could be their job as parents to decide whether what I was reading was appropriate.
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I generally did not forbid any books, I just read them so we would discuss the ideas that could/would arise when my children read them.
I read most of the books that my children were reading when they were growing up. When people were saying that Harry Potter books endorsed wizardry, I read them, passed them on to my children and discussed facts vs opinion vs real life vs imagery with my kids.
Read the first Twilight book (frankly I think they are garbage) but the only point that I discussed with my children is the fact that she allows her boyfriend to spend the night with her in her room and behind her father's back. Thoughtful discussions on when is it right to hide things from your parents (never), when to discuss boyfriends with parents (always talk to at least one of your parents whomever you prefer), and in general the whole honesty-with-parents points that I would make over and over through the years.
Worked out ok, my kids are avid readers, five college graduates so far and they know I am open to listening to their opinions even if we agree to disagree.
I think part of our hesitancy is a desire to cling to our children's innocence. My daughter is 10, and is a prolific reader. But she is dying to read the Hunger Games, which, in my opinion has themes and violence which is not appropriate for a child her age. I love those books though, and look forward to her reading them so we can discuss. Some of her friends have seen the movie-so the pressure is very real. I would love to know how other parents handle this question. Our kids do no watch TV, so they do not see this type of thing anyway. And I love that she loves to read. Yet I am torn, at what age should a child have free reign to decide what o read?
Instead, "It feels somehow both quaint and pathologically up-to-date for my wife and me to . . ."
QuincyAdams is gentler and more subtle than I. In fact, I would like a grave to roll around in for all the times I've seen "for my wife and I," or some such ungrammatical variation, in the Globe. (Interestingly, the exact phrase "for my wife and I" turns up a lot.) Readers expect grammatical accuracy from someone who's writing about literature or social issues. Every time they see "for my wife and I," they get the message that this form is correct, and they'll use it in their own speech and writing.
Reading is great. Reading should be encouraged. Its good to see you will probably err that way instead of the other. Two things to keep in mind: 1.Forbidding something does not mean its not going to be done. Its just going to be done in secret, out of site, out of your site, and that closes the door to discussion. 2. You are overestimating the influence of this, what did you call her, "morose heroine". When I was your daughter's age, I watching the Brady Bunch on tv. A few months ago, I happened on an episode where Papa Brady was "dissing" women's lib. I watched hours and hours of that, read many books on women in traditional roles, this was the entire culture I was brought up in. Me and my friends. Yet today, just past 50, we are all college graduates and professionals, in a few cases, outearning our husbands. Why? Because our parents expected nothing less. You and your wife have more influence over your 12 year old than any book or movie ever will.
The rule in our house, which I highly recommend, was that you MAY NOT SEE THE MOVIE IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE BOOK. And you may read any book you please.
This goes for the adults, too. A lotta reading got done by the kids, who are now young adults. But I actually discovered the Patrick O'Brian historical novels, to which I am now completely addicted, simply because I wanted to see Master and Commander, and I had to follow the rule myself.
Exceptions are made for individual movies which are greater works of art than their books: The Wizard of Oz, Gone With the Wind, 2001, etc.
I forgot to mention another tactic: we made sure the kids had flashlights next to their beds so they could have the exquisite delight of reading under the covers after bedtime, when we parents "thought they were asleep." If they wondered whether we might disapprove of their reading choices, so much more delicious for them. It's hard enough getting kids to read anything - ruling out what they actually want to read seems so self-defeating.
I find it odd that parents would be so helecoptering as to worry about what a pre-teen or teenager reads when they send them to school in bizarre outfits, cell phones, haircuts and makeup. These books are simply contemporary fantasies like Huck Finn or Star Wars. They are experimenting with what sort of adult they imagine they might become. I say, relax and let them try on the different personas until one resonates.
Kids should read anything, from Magic Cards to cereal boxes...an argument you might hear is, what if they have Penthouse letters under their sheets...answer: they don't. And if they do, deal with it then.
Heh. Good article; I am with you, Mr. Rotella on the "she should be 'allowed' to read it - and lots of other things too" in order to broaden her thinking about what's good and worthwhile writing, and what may not be. The other thing I'd encourage you to consider is reading it yourself (if you haven't) so you can initiate a conversation or two with her about some of the points you raise, particularly the behavior of Bella, as a young woman, in relationship to the "power" set up between her and Edward. That is, should she *really* be devoting every living waking breathing moment to pining over him? (Loved your comment about tying her shoes!)
When I was a child, my parents didn't generally monitor what I read. From time to time my mother would suggest that I might wait a year or two to read something. Sometimes I waited, and sometimes I didn't. What I remember is that books that were really aimed at older readers were generally not very interesting if I was too young for them. I suppose, what I didn't understand didn't hurt me.