fb-pixelWhy I can’t wait for the new driverless car era - The Boston Globe Skip to main content
SCOT LEHIGH

Why I can’t wait for the new driverless car era

Driverless Uber cars in Pittsburgh.Jeff Swensen/Getty Images

Driverless cars are coming to Boston — and some, contemplating their automatonic arrival, are as nervous as poor Ichabod Crane was when, glancing in his rearview mirror, he spotted the Headless Horseman bearing down upon him.

Not me. I can’t wait for the new era to commence. Why? Well, let me count the ways.

First, driverless cars probably won’t be sending texts to their driverless comrades while on the road.

I mean, what, really, would they say? Beyond, maybe:

Undriver one: My RAYD8R is h4u (my radiator is hot for you).

Undriver two: TMNGENI (too much engine information).

Which means, unlike human drivers of a certain generation or two, nondrivers might even pay attention to what they are ostensibly doing. That is, driving. What a welcome change it will be not to have to worry about driverless millennial cars ramming into you because they are busy finishing a message rather than, say, applying their brakes as they approach a red light.

Advertisement



Nor will the undrivers be checking their Twitter feeds while stopped there, which means they may actually start through the intersection within a few seconds of getting the green. Why, in such an ideal circumstance, a half-dozen cars may even make the light; that alone would cut my commute in half.

I’m even hoping that if one activates his blinker while traveling along the Southeast Expressway, thereby indicating a desire to merge into the adjacent lane, the driverless cars will consider letting you in rather than reflexively speeding up to block your way. I know, I know, that depends a lot on whether the programmers select the “Midwestern courteous” software setting rather than “Boston rude,” but I’m optimistic.

I do realize, however, that technology can’t accomplish the impossible, so I don’t expect Google or Uber to teach their cars how to navigate a rotary. In theory, the rule is simple: The person in the rotary has the right of way. But we all know that in real-life Boston, it’s basically a big circular game of chicken, which is why I expect robocars will soon come to avoid “roundabouts” (as cyberdrivers like to call them) at all costs.

Advertisement



That said, is it hopelessly Pollyanna-ish to expect that a driverless car planning a left turn across traffic on, say, the Jamaicaway will put its blinker on in time for the cars behind to switch lanes? That would be a novel change from current human practice, which is to delay signalling until the light turns green, thereby forcing the entire lane of traffic to wait until said human is able to make the turn.

At the risk of incurring the wrath of our new kings of the road, let me confide my fondest futuristic fantasy: driverless bicycles. Just think, a bike that could pedal itself predictably along rather than darting in and out of traffic, expecting drivers to stay current with its every twitch and turn.

And now that I think of it, what about self-driving motorcycles? In that best of all possible worlds, the unbikers might not feel the need to replace their regulation pipes with those unbaffled roar-blasters so popular among flesh-and-blood (but apparently eardrumless) riders. At the very least, the self-driving motorcycles wouldn’t think — well, calculate — it necessary to rev their engines endlessly as they cruise through town. After all, what’s the point of “Hey look at me!” noise-making if there’s no one there to see?

But I realize I’m dreaming here. Back to driverless cars. Although I personally like the idea of a completely empty auto tootling along on the streets and highways, I understand the test vehicles will have to have a human sitting in the driver’s seat, just in case. That’s essential — at least in Boston. Otherwise, how would the poor robocar car give other motorists the finger when they make a driving mistake?

Advertisement




Scot Lehigh can be reached at lehigh@globe.com. Follow him on Twitter @GlobeScotLehigh.