Your TV GPS, Globe critic Matthew Gilbert’s guide to what’s on television, appears at the beginning of each week at BostonGlobe.com. Today’s column covers Jan. 6-12.
Yes, that’s me laughing every single week, as I sift through the TV schedules to make selections for these here listings. So I come today to thank Lifetime and Lifetime Movie Network for giving me such pleasure with their movies — more specifically, their movie titles.
They don’t bother with artfulness when it comes to naming their tabloid-style flicks. The people who name paint colors, and lipstick colors, and nail polish colors, are far more studied and creative about what they do. Instead, the Lifetime folks keep the titles blunt, and comically so. Titles such as “Killing Daddy” and “My Baby Is Missing" scream out just the right kind of D-level expectations viewers should have. These movies are peril porn, just in case you’re starting to relax into your safe life and forgot that there are babysitters and stepparents out there trying to destroy you.
Here are three examples of new Lifetime and LMN movies due this week, all preceded by relevant reruns:
“Baby Monitor Murders” A babysitter hears what sounds like a murder plot over the baby monitor. Lifetime Movie Network, Friday, 8 p.m. It’s preceded by “Babynapped” (noon), “Pregnant at 17” (2 p.m.), “My Baby Is Gone!” ( 4 p.m.), and “Your Baby Is Mine” (6 p.m.).
“Psycho Nurse” A couple hires a nurse to care for their sick son, but the nurse hopes to replace the mother. Lifetime, Saturday, 8 p.m. It’s preceded by repeats of “Psycho Wedding Crasher (11 a.m.), “Psycho Stripper” (12:30 p.m.), “Psycho Mother-in-Law” (2 p.m.), “Psycho Brother-in-Law” (4 p.m.), and “Psycho Ex-Girlfriend” (6 p.m.).
“Psycho Party Planner” She’s putting together a Sweet 16 celebration for a girl she plans to make her daughter. Lifetime, Sunday, 8 p.m. It’s preceded by “Psycho In-Law” (noon), “Psycho Prom Queen” (2 p.m.), “Psycho Granny” (4 p.m.), and “Psycho Nurse” (6 p.m.).
WHAT I’M WATCHING THIS WEEK
1. Maybe it’s the weather, psychic and otherwise, but I’m looking forward to the return of “Schitt’s Creek” more than I’d have expected. The draw is the entire cast, but it’s mostly Catherine O’Hara, her fashion, and her grandiose pronunciations. She puts the oy in Moira. The sixth and final season will premiere on Tuesday at 9 p.m. on Pop TV. No date has been announced about when the season will appear on Netflix, but if previous seasons are any indication, it may not stream until the fall.
2. “The Outsider,” Sunday at 9 p.m. on HBO, is based on Stephen King’s novel about the investigation into the gruesome rape and murder of a young boy in Oklahoma. Richard Price and Dennis Lehane are among the writers, and the cast includes Ben Mendelsohn, who was hauntingly good in “Bloodline.” Bill Camp, Jason Bateman, Julianne Nicholson, Mare Winningham, and Paddy Considine are also in the mix.
3. Rather than another adaptation of one of Jane Austen’s great novels, PBS’s “Masterpiece” is taking on “Sanditon,” Austen’s unfinished last novel. Andrew Davies has written the eight-episode screenplay (he adapted the legendary 1995 miniseries of Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice”), and he takes Austen’s setup and runs with it. In other words, there is sex. Rose Williams and Theo James star. Also on board and adding a major charge to the series: Anne Reid, who was the grandmother in “Years and Years.” The series premieres Sunday at 9 p.m. on WGBH-2. By the way, it’s preceded at 8 p.m. by an excellent adaptation of E.M. Forster’s “Howards End” (which originally ran on Starz in 2018).
4. RuPaul has another series, this one a scripted comedy about a drag queen and a 10-year-old (played by Izzy Gaspersz) on a cross-country trip. Called “AJ and the Queen,” and co-created by Michael Patrick King of “Sex and the City,” it’s available Friday on Netflix.
5. It’s a good week when the team behind Adult Swim’s “Children’s Hospital” serves up a new genre satire, this one about the outbreak of a deadly virus. Called “Medical Police,” the comedy series is available on Netflix (on Friday) and features Erinn Hayes, Rob Huebel, Malin Akerman, Lake Bell, Rob Corddry, Ken Marino, Joel McHale, Craig Robinson, Jason Schwartzman, and Lilly Singh.
6. On Tuesday at 10 p.m., NBC is previewing a new musical sitcom that won’t air regularly until Feb. 16. It’s called "Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist,” and it stars Jane Levy as a coder in San Francisco who can hear people’s thoughts — in song. Lauren Graham, Skylar Astin, Mary Steenburgen, Peter Gallagher, and Andrew Leeds are also onboard. A network show that doesn’t sound formulaic? I’ll try it.
7. ABC’s multi-episode “Jeopardy! The Greatest of All Time,” which starts Tuesday at 8 p.m., will bring together the three biggest money winners in the long-running game show’s history: Ken Jennings, Brad Rutter, and James Holzhauer. The first to win three matches wins $1 million, and the two runners-up get $250,000. It also airs on Wednesday and Thursday at 8 this week, and it will continue next week, too, if necessary.
8. Another week, another reboot. This time, “Party of Five” gets a reimagining, as five siblings try to cope after their parents are suddenly deported to Mexico. The first season begins Wednesday at 9 p.m. on Freeform.
“The Bachelor” The three-hour season 24 premiere. ABC, Monday, 8 p.m.
“Finding Your Roots” Sterling K. Brown, Sasheer Zamata, and Jon Batiste get the treatment. WGBH-2, Tuesday, 8 p.m.
“Lincoln Rhyme” Serial killer profiling is afoot in this series adaptation of “The Bone Collector.” NBC, Friday, 8 p.m.
“Bill Burr Presents: The Ringers” The Canton native hosts this new stand-up series featuring up-and-coming comics. Comedy Central, Friday, 11 p.m.