It has come to my attention that some of you are having trouble following the myriad, crystal clear arguments being made by the president and his allies regarding the recent election, an election he definitely won, despite the tallies showing him being thrashed in the popular vote and losing the Electoral College by a margin he himself once characterized as a “a landslide.”
Well, I’m here to help. It’s all very logical. Try to follow along.
If you exclude the people who didn’t vote for him, the president absolutely roared to reelection. That’s why his attorneys have been trying so hard to get those votes thrown out in swing states all over the country. And after 32 litigation losses (those annoying judges, even the ones his party appointed, keep insisting on evidence for claims of voter fraud), they’re definitely going to win at some point, because truth will out.
For example, as the president’s attorney Rudy Giuliani explained during Thursday’s pyrotechnic press conference, the president would totally have won Michigan without Wayne County, which just happens to include the very many Black voters who live in Detroit.
“So you see, it changes the result of the election in Michigan, if you take out Wayne County,” offered the president’s attorney, maskless in a crowded room, hair-dye and sweat dripping down his cheeks. It does, indeed.
Why would one take out Wayne County, you ask? Well, again, this is obvious. Detroit, Philadelphia, and other cities that went for Joe Biden are, as Giuliani pointed out, famously corrupt, therefore one just has to assume the vote tallies in these places are suspect.
Of course, he’s not calling those cities corrupt because they are home to large populations of Black voters, because that would be racist. It’s just a coincidence that a giant chunk of the hundreds of thousands of votes they’re trying to get thrown out were cast by Black Americans.
As Sidney Powell, another attorney on the president’s definitely-not-bottom-of-the-barrel legal team, pointed out, the culprits in this vast conspiracy of election fraud include the Clinton Foundation, very dead Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez, and George Soros, who seems to be at the root of all that is evil as many Republicans see it.
“This is real. This is not made up,” Giuliani offered.
It is real, because there is no other way to explain his loss that doesn’t reflect negatively on America’s greatest president. Q.E.D.
So, the votes that gave Biden victory are fraudulent, according to the president and too many members of his own party to count. They have not addressed the question of why Soros and the sinister Venezuelans would rig only the presidential election and leave the US Senate in Republican hands. But such hair-splitting would only be a distraction from the true crimes that have struck at the heart of our democracy.
For Republicans love democracy. They are absolutely committed to it, as long as the right people vote. And they are utterly devoted to our Constitution, as long as it keeps the correct people in power.
They truly believe an injustice has been perpetrated here. Sincerity simply oozes from them.
They believe there will be no transfer of power, given their leader’s spectacular victory. Also, they offer justifications for his delaying a peaceful transfer of power.
Her boss “was never given an orderly transition of power” in 2016, press secretary Kayleigh McEnany said in the White House briefing room on Friday. Which is absolutely true, if you don’t count the fact that Hillary Clinton formally conceded on the morning after the 2016 election, President Barack Obama invited the victor to the White House the day after that, and the transition began immediately.
Again, the president isn’t going anywhere. Pay no attention to his feverish fund-raising for a post-presidential slush fund, the mines being placed all over to hamstring a Biden presidency, or the rush to execute federal prisoners and sell off drilling rights in the Alaska wilderness before Jan. 20.
If you ignore all of that, what we’re seeing here makes perfect sense. If it didn’t, wouldn’t more Republicans speak up?
After all, failing to do so would unleash a havoc they could never control. It would undermine our democracy, and empower people like the heavily armed half-wits who plotted to kidnap a sitting governor in Michigan.
And nobody with a conscience would let that happen.
Now do you get it?