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Love Letters

I found Viagra in my boyfriend’s truck - and he doesn’t use it with me

Is he cheating on me?

Submit your questions for Meredith here.

Q. A few months ago I found some Viagra in my boyfriend’s truck. I didn’t really think anything of it as he had mentioned trying it before we were together because of some issues he was experiencing with a diminished libido. I usually drive his truck during the week and he uses my car to commute for work, but he took his truck to work two days last week. I was getting something out of the truck for him after he got home on the second day and saw that half of a pill was gone. I’m feeling very anxious now that he could be cheating on me. I don’t understand why he would need to take half of one when he was either going to or coming home from work. I don’t know how to bring this up to him. I desperately need advice.

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– Help

A. Maybe he took the Viagra to see how it felt. Maybe he took it to experience it for himself, by himself, after he got home from work. You’re assuming he felt the results at a certain time, but are you sure?

I can make guesses about how he used it and why, but he’s the one with answers. Let him know you saw the pills in the truck. If his libido is something you’ve already discussed, this shouldn’t be the most complicated conversation.

My question for you is why you’ve jumped to the conclusion that he might be cheating. That’s one of many possibilities that could have popped into your brain, but it’s the one you chose. It makes me wonder about the rest of the relationship and how his diminished libido has made you feel. Are you lacking intimacy in other ways? Has he seemed less engaged?

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You’ll have to figure that out for yourself. Because you can ask him if he’s cheating and he’ll probably say no, and then you’ll have to decide whether you trust him and if not, why not. If you’re going to ask about fidelity, be prepared to talk about why you’re so concerned.

There’s no perfect way to start the conversation—you just do it.

– Meredith

READERS RESPOND

I would just ask him. Uncomfortable conversation, probably. I would want to know the answer myself. LEFTYLUCY

Maybe he gave it to a friend to try. CRUCIFIEDZEOFF

You think if he were cheating he’d only take half? The whole pack would be gone. CONCERNEDCITIZENONDUTY

The whole pack would be gone. I get that you’re making a joke, but that isn’t how it works. A half pill might be to establish a dosage, and might be how his prescription starts. QUADROPENTA

I think your instincts are correct. If you’ve already discussed openly his diminishing libido, there’s no reason for him to hide the use of Viagra from you. Unless he didn’t take it for you. Asking him to confess is likely to get you nowhere. Sorry. SEENITTOO

You’ve been keeping track of his Viagra usage because you feel insecure. Your insecurity is your issue that you need to address. ADAM3142

Catch Season 4 of Meredith Goldstein’s Love Letters podcast at loveletters.show or wherever you listen.