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OPINION

‘Twas the night before Christmas, 2020

Here’s to happiness, health — may the future be bright. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Steve Brodner for The Boston Globe

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and Trump he did throw

A victory rally, the White House aglow;

“What a race,” he exclaimed, “They love me, this nation,

And now it is time for a REAL celebration!


“I counted the votes, by myself, just last night;

And I won by a landslide, my math is so right.

The states and their numbers are totally flawed;

The election itself was a HUUUGE case of fraud.


“Michigan, Georgia, Wisconsin, and more,

Full of illegals with cowards galore.

The Supreme Court is stupid — and Iowa too.

COVID, SHMOVID — none of it’s true.

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“And I looked in a book of our country’s best schools;

How’s this fact for breaking all of the rules?

Harvard and Yale, they totally win it;

The Electoral College — ain’t even in it.


“I have an idea,” he said with a smile.

“You know I’ve been pondering this for a while.

For Biden and Harris — my plan to outfox,

On January 20 — we change all the locks.”

Steve Brodner for The Boston Globe


Eric said, “Brilliant, for so many reasons.

And I know a good locksmith — at the Four Seasons.”

“Let’s do it!” Don Jr. said with a yelp.

“And I know we can even get Putin to help.”


Trump grabbed a Big Mac from one of the waiters,

And said he was off to fire more traitors.

“And then I’ll retire — to my Rose Garden,

To make a new list of whom I will pardon.


“I’ve the best handicap, a superior man,

With the biggest crowds — and now the best plan.

You want me to write a letter for Biden?

‘Sorry sucker, You’re on the Poseiden.’ ”


A few weeks later, at Inauguration,

Democrats cheered, for their day of elation

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Biden and Harris, and all of their teams,

On to the White House to realize their dreams.


Right into the building, the Biden folks came,

To get started on work, with a lot of acclaim.

“What happened?” asked Trump. “How DID they get in?”

You tweeted your plan, sir, and Santa broke in.


He came with his lock pick, his reindeer, and more,

He easily entered, right through the back door.

He ran up the stairs, and he tore off his mask,

He gave a salute and started his task.


Bye, Rudy and Kayleigh, Ivanka, and Pence,

Pompeo, Barr, Carson — thrown over the fence.

St. Nick lifted Trump right into the sleigh,

And then in an instant, he was carted away.

Steve Brodner for The Boston Globe


More rapid than eagles his reindeer they came

And he whistled and shouted and called them by name.

“On Yellin, on Vilsack, on Fudge, and on Blinken,

On Klain, on Austin, on Project of Lincoln!”


Trump warned that we’ll miss him, the leader supreme,

“I’m the best superspreader, I made the vaccine.

I’ll revive ‘The Apprentice’ and start Trump TV,

And hope that Cy Vance can find nothing on me.”


To Mar-a-Lago the ex-president flew,

While President Biden welcomed his crew:

“Let’s Build Back Better and tell the truth,

Attack the virus and help our youth.”


“It’s the end of four years,” the citizens said.

“Time to take a deep breath, a new era ahead.”

Here’s to happiness, health — may the future be bright

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Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Diane Hessan is an entrepreneur, author, and chair of C Space.