Q. I am a student at a small liberal arts college and I have a small crush on someone I like to call the “Ryan Reynolds” of our campus. He is sweet and genuine, but also tall with really nice shoulders. He is a soccer player, an international student (yes, he does have a beautiful, beautiful accent), in a few leadership positions on campus, musically talented, and always has a smile. Everyone loves him. And you know how straight men have this thing for Ryan Reynolds? Same applies.
I am a straight woman who has high standards and apparently is shooting for the stars. So I want to ask him out for coffee. But I barely know him. Well, I know quite a lot about him, but I am practically a stranger to him. Should I do this? I have conversed with friends who all believe I should go for it. Part of me wants to prove to myself that I can ask out a hot guy ... but is it OK to possibly put him through that too?
BLAKE LIVELY WANNABE
A. This is timely, because as far as I know, Ryan Reynolds is in Boston right now filming a Christmas movie. My friend lives near where he’s been filming, and she said there’s been a lot of singing. He’s apparently good at that too.
Anyway, perhaps Ryan Reynolds has become a Love Letters reader while living in Boston. Ryan, feel free to join the comments section. I’ll even make you the featured commenter if you reach out to me directly. I’m sure you can figure out how.
But letter writer, here’s a thing about Ryan Reynolds that he might not know. I think he is attractive, talented, I love “Deadpool,” etc. I think he can really carry a film.
But … when I think about my celebrity ideal — someone who seems untouchable and too good to be true — my guy is Robert Pattinson. As a vampire. That is my thing.
My point is, maybe everyone loves your campus version of Ryan, but they’re not all trying to date him. They’re also not trying to get to know him as a human. And that’s why I have this advice: Instead of treating him like this big experiment — like you’re shooting for the stars (a.k.a some supernatural hot guy) — why don’t you get to know him? Ask him out for coffee, but with the expectation that you’ll learn more about who he is in real life. You can even say, “I just wanted to get to know you better because you seem really cool. Seems like it might be fun.” I would bet he doesn’t want to feel like a game that you win if he says yes.
Also know that he might disappoint. Having high standards shouldn’t prevent you from understanding that no one is perfect. Make space for him to be a regular person with moods, hopes, concerns, etc. Even lovely soccer players have flaws and feelings. I learned this from Ted Lasso.
Good luck and keep us posted. And Ryan, see contact info below.
How do strangers become friends? One day, one of them says something to the other and the other replies back. The point is, nearly everyone in our lives was a stranger to us once.
“Put him through that?” ... Being asked out for coffee? The horror! If he’s really a nice, genuine guy he’ll let you down gently. If not, he’s not the person you thought he was.
I think you’ve watched one too many Hallmark movies. If you’re interested in him, ask him out. Worst that can happen is he says no (in his beautiful, beautiful accent).
My college girlfriends and I had “Zeus” — he was on the swim team, he was beautiful. He commanded the room. We got together at a sophomore party of some sort. He was dumb as a box of rocks. Lesson learned: No one actually lives up to the fantasy we conjure in our heads. Even Ryan Reynolds won’t be as great as you dream. Sorry, Ryan, if you are reading this. :)
Send your own relationship and dating questions to firstname.lastname@example.org (or Meredith.Goldstein@Globe.com). Catch new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast at loveletters.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.