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Is he ignoring me because he likes me?

‘He doesn’t ever text me first’

Love Letters

Love Letters

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Q. I went on a date with an average guy, nothing special to be honest. He was very nice, we chatted, and we got to know a bit about each other. He hugged me multiple times, but there wasn’t much after that. We live far away from each other so I haven’t seen him since then, but I think my feelings for him are growing more and more.

We talk to each other on social media occasionally, but he doesn’t ever text me first and he always replies in short responses. As a woman, I wish he would text me more because I love talking to him. He hasn’t texted me in a month now because I haven’t texted him first.


Is this a guy’s way of saying that he likes me (by ignoring me) or is he just uninterested?


A. “Nothing special to be honest...”

Hmm. What made him special all of a sudden? How did he evolve into a more interesting person by doing ... nothing?

You made him special. That’s what happened.

During all of this quiet time, you’ve created some lovely man in your brain. Points for creativity, but it’s fiction. He hasn’t talked to you in a month.

Try to delete all of the stories you’ve told yourself about who he might be, and instead, point to what’s real. You and this man had a basic date, after which he hugged you a bunch. Then he went away, failed to initiate more, and only responded when you reached out first. He hasn’t asked to see you. Also, he’s far away.

When someone likes you, they make an effort. You’re trying to do twice as much to keep this going, but it’s too much work — and he hasn’t earned this kind of attention.


Assume this is disinterest and look for something new. If you can’t let it go, ask him what he wants. Be direct.



You had one date. There was no second date. Take the hint.


It honestly might mean that he likes you but even if it does, and there is a small chance it does, why would you put up with it? Find a guy that doesn’t play games when he likes you but maybe start by just finding a guy that likes you.


“Is this a guy’s way of saying that he likes me (by ignoring me) or is he just uninterested?” The latter. I don’t know how this silly rumor started that when people ignore you they really like you, but it’s not true. Would you ignore someone you liked? You say yourself he was nothing special, so why all the angst? You don’t want him, you want someone, and he’s the most recent guy. Forget about him and get back on the horse.


“I love talking to him” — you barely talk to him so how can this be? I think Mer is right — you’ve set up a whole fantasy narrative in your head that doesn’t match reality. I think you’d find if you did see him again, you’d be incredibly let down. Let this one go.



Unfortunately, you became negatively challenged by a less than ideal situation ... and fascinated by it’s nothingness. He is average, doesn’t live near you, not a great communicator, somewhat strange ... and now you are mildly possessed by this “creature.” Walk away from this psychological obsession.


When I met the man I would marry three years later (on Match), he “winked” at me through the website when he found my profile. I looked at his profile and liked what he had to say about himself. When I responded to his e-mail (through the dating site, not personal), he gave me all three of his phone numbers! That is someone who is interested.


Send your own relationship and dating questions to loveletters@globe.com. Catch new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast at loveletters.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.

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