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Download the Pre-pology™ app today

Apologize in advance like you mean it. (Unless this is a bad time.)

Let’s face it: No matter who you are, you’ll probably do plenty you should be sorry for.Momius/Adobe

We started with a dream to make it easier to self-report mistakes you haven’t made yet.

Pre-pology’s convenient dashboard lets you track, manage, and redress all your notional boners. In a few taps, atone for anything you’ll make weird, probably, whether a work meeting or Friendsgiving.

Will you butcher the vibe at your cousin-in-law’s murder mystery party? You don’t know. That’s the point. Relay the most advanced warning about participating too much, participating too little, or other kinds of participating. Pre-pology’s algorithm will never be overwhelmed. Plus, you can do it from the comfort of your home and up to a full calendar year ahead of the incident.


To get started with your Pre-pology, simply tap the button that says, Oh God. Schedule it to arrive any time in advance of right now — months, weeks, or mere seconds. Next, choose your topic from the drop-down menu. We have preloaded the most common hypothetical offenses. You can Pre-pologize for:

▪ Being terrible with names

▪ Being a downer

▪ Not staying long

▪ Feeling underdressed

▪ The smell in the bathroom

▪ Bringing someone no one likes

▪ A hot dish you cooked

▪ A hot dish you didn’t cook

▪ Not being a hot dish

▪ This mess

Pre-pology is also great for expressing contrition about presumptive boo-boos at work! If history is anything to go by, you’ll want to Pre-pologize for breaches that include:

▪ The long email

▪ Dipping out early

▪ Your laryngitis

▪ If some people have already asked this

▪ If some people have already heard this

▪ If some people have to go

After you’ve selected your Pre-pology and delivery time, simply answer the 50 insecurity questions, including “Why am I like this?” and “Am I making this even more weird?”

Check your phone for your unique insecurity code.


Receive your affirmation — once you’ve heard that your Pre-pology has been accepted, you’ll unlock the ability to communicate with acquaintances and colleagues like a regular person for up to 30 minutes.

But it never ends there, of course! That’s why your Post-pology is always included, so go ahead and amend or extend your Pre-pology later, wherever you are, even up to a year after an event. Post-pologies are perfect for:

▪ Burp-talking

▪ Showing up empty-handed

▪ Not even asking how you are doing

▪ Having said, “You, too!” at something weird

▪ Having been unsure if someone was pregnant, divorced, alive, etc.

▪ Black bean tooth the entire time

▪ Acting cool

The bottom line? Life moves fast, but the business of being a person who does person things with other persons shouldn’t be complicated. No more hunting for the right words. Get our eye-contact-less system today. Because let’s face it: No matter who you are, you’ll probably do plenty you should be sorry for — so get started now with Pre-pology.

But only if you want! It’s fine if you’re not into it. Literally no worries, if not.

Kathy Flann is a humor writer whose work has appeared in The Washington Post, The Baltimore Sun, McSweeney’s, Weekly Humorist, and elsewhere. She is the author of four books, the most recent of which is “How to Survive a Human Attack: A Guide for Werewolves, Mummies, Cyborgs, Ghosts, Nuclear Mutants, and Other Movie Monsters.” She teaches creative writing at Johns Hopkins University.