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I met a great woman at a wedding. But she was with her boyfriend.

Do I ask the people I know from the wedding if their relationship is strong, or on the rocks?

Love Letters

Q. I recently got back from a friend’s wedding and I find myself in an odd spot. While at this wedding, I sat next to a woman and struck up a conversation, and I was blown away by how well we hit it off. The sad part is, to her left was her boyfriend.

I don’t know how strong their relationship is, but the boyfriend did not seem to have much to say, and this woman seemed way more interested in getting to know me. Do I ask the people I know from the wedding about the possibility that this relationship is close to an end? Am I wrong to even be thinking about taking this path?


— Anonymous

A. Sometimes at weddings, we’re in the mood to engage with strangers. Other times, we don’t feel like being social, so we focus on the meat, fish, or vegetable dish we ordered, and stare at the wall until it’s time to dance, listen to another toast, or go to bed.

The boyfriend’s lack of interest might not have had anything to do with his girlfriend or their relationship. Perhaps he was thinking, We’re never going to see this person again, and I’m tired. Later, he might have said to her, “Hey, thanks for being extroverted on my behalf,” or, “Sorry I was quiet; I had indigestion.”

Sometimes it’s just indigestion.

I suppose it’s also possible they despise each other and have broken up. But maybe they’re breaking up because she’s already moved on to someone new.

The point is, we don’t know.

That’s why you should consider the smallest version of your idea. Don’t pursue anything. Simply tell one or two people in your friend group — anyone who knows this woman — that you thought she was fantastic. Say to a person you trust, “If she’s ever single, let me know.” Then leave it alone.


There’s no path to take, only an idea to float, and then you move on. If she had a great time, becomes single, and wants to find you, she’ll try too.

— Meredith


Did you ever stop to think that she felt confident speaking with you *because* her boyfriend was there? JOEYMAMA

A girl talking to you at an event does not mean she wants to uproot her life, break up a relationship, and move on with you. CUPPAJOESEATTLE

I will never understand this line of thinking. What horrible thing is going to happen to the letter writer if he asks the friends for her phone number? He gets turned down but she is flattered? STRIPEYCAT

Some people have no romance in their souls. I just went to a wedding where the bride and groom were both in other relationships when they met. SEENITTOO

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