YOU’RE CUT OFF
This week, WikiLeaks tweeted that founder Julian Assange, who remains holed up in the Ecuadorian embassy in London, had his Internet access “intentionally severed by a state party” after publishing thousands of hacked e-mails from within the Clinton campaign. In an official statement, Ecudaor fessed up to cutting (or “temporarily restricting”) his connection in order prevent further interference with US elections, but denied it was meant as retaliation, saying “If we wanted to punish him we would have just made him call Comcast.”
WARTS AND ALL
New developments in the ongoing identity crisis of beseiged meme and unwitting white supremacist mascot Pepe the Frog: Creator Matt Furie and the Anti-Defamation League have announced a joint effort to repair and reclaim Pepe as a force for good by creating and spreading positive Pepe memes under the tag #SavePepe, leaving white nationalists without a vaguely human baggy-eyed swamp creature to represent their interests. Oh wait.
KILL THE MESSENGER
People-moving behemoth Uber has started pushing its UberPOOL service through a fleet of sign-toting drones that hover over traffic jams in Mexico City and scold drivers for not carpooling and thus contributing to air pollution. The company has no plans to dispatch the drones into other markets. “That’s a real shame,” said every single person on 128, sliding their baseball bats back under the passenger seat.
CTRL + ALT + DEFEAT
Despite his continuing fury over Hillary’s vulnerable e-mail servers, Donald Trump’s own servers were revealed this week to be running on highly insecure (how appropriate) Windows Server 2003 and IIS 6.0 software. While it doesn’t say much for Trump’s own handle on cybersecurity, it does help to explain why Clippy was on his VP shortlist.
MICHAEL ANDOR BRODEURMichael Andor Brodeur can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter: @MBrodeur.