Grab your magnifying glass, The New York Times this week printed a massive list of every insult tweeted by Donald Trump since the start of his election campaign, sorted by target – hitting everything from Brit Hume to Huma Abedin, New Jersey to Germany, the mainstream media (Hi!) to Marty Walsh. It’s impressive. I wasn’t able to come up with a punch line for this, so for now let’s just go with “Curt Schilling’s Senate ambitions.”
A new and truly magnificent viral video attempts to answer the question on everyone’s minds (well, everyone on Yahoo Answers, at least): Am I pergant? Am I pregante? Am I pregnat? Could I be pergonate? Also: Why the hell can’t anybody spell “pregnant”? Consider this a trigger warning for any of you teachers or copy editors out there.
WORTH A SHOT
If going to Shaw’s for your flu shot doesn’t feel sketchy enough, now you can get innoculated against the virus via Uber. The ride-sharing giant’s new Uber for Health program will dispatch a registered nurse from Passport Health straight to your house, equipped with a care package including up to five flu shots – enough to protect you from at least five Uber rides.
To battle the significant spike in pause rates on Halloween night caused by trick-or-treaters, streaming network Netflix has devised its own do-it-yourself Halloween doorbell kit that fits over your existing doorbell, senses approaching ghouls, alerts them that you are too busy enjoying Netflix to get up, and directs them to a treat receptacle of your choosing. That story again for trick-or-treaters: The creepy shut-in down the street has a free bucket of candy on his porch.
MICHAEL ANDOR BRODEURMichael Andor Brodeur can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow him on Twitter: @MBrodeur.