TRICK OR TREAT?
It’s going to take a little more than the collapse of American democracy to take down candy corn, Halloween’s least desired and most available alleged confection. “Manafort Monday” threatened to overshadow #NationalCandyCornDay, but like a chalky wad of chemically sweetened carnauba wax lodged between your rearmost molars, the celebration held fast, and (highly defensive) faux corn fans stuck to their gums . . . err, guns.
APPETITE FOR DISTRACTION
Also unmoved (mostly) by “MAGA (Men Are Getting Arrested) Monday” was Fox News, which broke up its coverage of the first criminal indictments out of the Mueller probe by liberally (so to speak) garnishing the news with other equally pressing stories, like how messed up it is that the Android cheeseburger emoji features the cheese below the burger. Feeling the heat, Google CEO Sundar Pichai has vowed to “drop everything” and address the issue/fix the burger. Meanwhile, don’t be surprised if the nefarious/nonexistent “Clinton administration” finds a way to sneak some jalapeños on there.
KEVIN CAN’T WAIT
Trump’s terrible, awful, no good, very bad day also wasn’t enough to completely obscure the profound alleged ickiness of actor Kevin Spacey, the latest celebrity accused of sexual assault — in this case by actor Anthony Rapp, who claims Spacey tried to have sex with him at a party when he was just 14 years old. Netflix’s “House of Cards” collapsed under the weight of the scandal, announcing that the upcoming season would be its last and then suspending production indefinitely, while Spacey took the fresh blast of attention as an opportunity to claim drunken forgetfulness and “I choose now to live as a gay man.” Hm, interesting technique. If I may briefly speak for my gay brethren and paraphrase Mariah, we don’t know her.
Netflix’s cult sci-fi hit “Stranger Things” returned for its hotly anticipated second season last weekend and turned the Internet upside down all over again. Unfortunately, I haven’t watched it yet so I’m using this space instead to warn you that people on Twitter are legit defending the placement of strawberries on pizza. Why not just toss some jalapeños and candy corn on there while we’re at it? And here I thought this was the right-side-up.
MICHAEL ANDOR BRODEUR