First Lady Melania Trump traveled to a detention center in Texas lastweek to visit migrant children separated from their families, but not before taking to the runway with a provocative and quite literal fashion statement: a jacket emblazoned with the text “I REALLY DON’T CARE DO U?” The Internet united in stankface at the bizarre choice; the President championed it as an direct shot at the “Fake News Media”; and FLOTUS’s spokeswoman insisted there was “no hidden message” (which we knew already because it was scrawled very visibly across the back of the jacket). Next up on the agenda, the first lady will travel to Flint, Mich., dressed as a giant bottle of Evian.
Elsewhere in disappointing people (that was the adjective not the verb) customers at a Baltimore Dunkin’ Donuts location nearly choked on their krullers upon spotting this notice posted by management: “If you hear any of our staff shouting in a language other than English, please call (number) with the name of the employee to receive a coupon for a free coffee and a pastry.” Uproar spread across social media until the sign was removed; I, for one, was most shocked to learn that “LAHGE REGLAH, FOAH SPLENDAH” actually counts as English.
ABC announced plans to bring back “Roseanne” sans Roseanne. “The Conners” will pick up with the beloved TV family “after a sudden turn of events,” minus any creative or financial involvement from the now barred Barr. Will her character run away to join the circus? Or will she mysteriously vanish into the TV void like Judy from “Family Matters”? Or will she just pull a Poochie? While they figure it out, I’m just gonna throw two words out there: Sandy. Duncan.
Before I write this last item, kindly polish and prepare your tubas for action. This week former Trump campaign manager and current frontrunner for Worst Corey Ever (no small feat!) Corey Lewandowskimade an appearance on CNN in which he mocked news of a 10-year old child detainee with Down Syndrome by saying “WOMP WOMP” (a refrain swiftly co-opted by the racist right for lib-triggering purposes). In response the Internet ripped him, CNN’s Chris Cuomo grilled him in a follow-up interview, and Lewandowski was promptly dropped by his speakers bureau. Tubas ready? Ahh, on second thought, nevermind. I really don’t care, do u?
MICHAEL ANDOR BRODEUR