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Hey everyone, come on in! It’s another perfectly normal, harmless Weekender, ready to lead you into this weekend and also down this dark hallway toward what seems like a stairwell to the basement? Don’t worry! Keep following. And never mind the smell down here, just watch your step. OK, now stand right there for a minute, I forgot my hockey mask upstairs.
Did I mention it’s Friday the 13th?
Wait! Don’t run away screaming! Not without this list of fun things to do/places to hide from me this weekend! There’s a fabulous staging of “Moulin Rouge: The Musical,” a festival of French films, a comedy competition, and a tiny lakeside cabin where no one can hear you scream. (That last one sounds intriguing, yes? Or no? Your face is saying no.)
FRENCH KICKS: After a long wait (followed by a two-week bonus delay forced by a construction issue), theatergoers eager to experience the reconstructed and newly reopened Emerson Colonial Theatre (now with room for sitting!) will finally get their cheeks in the comfy new seats for the hotly anticipated world premiere of “Moulin Rouge! The Musical,” the live adaptation of Baz Luhrman’s 2001 blockbuster film, smoothing out wrinkles here in Boston before heading to Broadway. Expect big stars (Aaron Tveit and Karen Olivo step into the lead roles first played by Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman), grand sets (no, really), and a whole bunch of your rowmates trying to have their own Christina moment in the middle of “Lady Marmalade.” (Just let them. They’ve been waiting for this.) It’s up through Aug. 19, so get tickets now.
COMPANY MAN: You’ve seen Lakeith Stanfield in “Atlanta” and “Get Out,” but his star turn in MC-turned-director Boots Riley’s “Sorry to Bother You” is a thing to behold, says Ty Burr in his four-star review. “There are a lot of reasons to be thankful for ‘Sorry to Bother You,’ ” Burr writes, “one being that it represents the return of the inspired/demented midnight-movie satire — but the rise of Lakeith Stanfield to leading man status is probably the most satisfying.” A telemarketer who finds his voice (or, technically, David Cross’s) as Cassius (whom your phone knows better as “Scam Likely”), Stanfield “wears the suit of his leading role with a mixture of innocence and avarice, much like the character he’s playing” and provides a steady center to what Burr calls “a joyful mess that makes more sense than any American movie I can think of at the moment.” Go see this. Now screening.
INFERNO THANKS: Because “Die Hard With a Vengeance But Preferably Also With The Rock and More Fire” is a word or two too long, there’s Dwayne Johnson in “Skyscraper,” which I just completely accurately described back there. You’re still welcome to read Burr’s two-star review, in which he says the stunts are fine and everything else is a building on fire. Hollywood rarely gives us a chance to witness a disproportionately muscular average Joe save his family and learn valuable lessons about what really matters, so take this opportunity while you can. Plus, he’s gonna be president. Now screening.
BECK AND CALL: On Sunday, you can catch one of pop music’s most enduring chameleons (they usually only live like five years), the ineffable Beck, as he brings the timeless blur of his oeuvre to the Blue Hills Bank Pavilion. Expect a healthy dose of “Colors,” his most recent album; but it wouldn’t be a Beck show without a trip (sometimes literal) down memory lane to such landmark albums as “Mellow Gold,” “Odelay,” and “Sea Change.” Get there a little early for the opening act, Boston’s own Vundabar, whom I find scrappy and lovable like a freaked out cat rescued from Rivers Cuomo’s house. Find tickets here.
CAMP VALUE: Have you still not been to Indian Ranch? That’s unacceptable. It’s at once a peaceful lakeside campground and one of the oldest venues for live music in the country, rocking the banks of Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg (Webster Lake, if you’re nasty) since 1946. This weekend you can catch country hero and barber fantasy Jamey Johnson, who returns to perform at the Ranch and will be expected by locals to bring surprise treats (last time, Alison Krauss just kind of strolled out onstage to join him and everyone was like whaaaat). Alternatively, you can just take in the time-capsule spectacle of the place. Those log letters above the stage? SO COOL. (Oh, and if you’re worried about ax murderers and Friday the 13th and whatnot, I can’t think of a safer place than a weathered old summer camp. Besides, it’s on Sunday.) Tickets here.
HILL HOLIDAY: Speaking of outdoor summery music stuff, you could most certainly do worse than to truck out to Greenfield for the Green River Music Festival, one of the region’s finest (and least overblown) music festivals, which I’m seriously debating even telling you about for the sake of how chill it is. The fest’s reliably rich spread of world music features a Latin highlight on Friday this year with performances from Orquesta Akokan, Las Cafeteras, and Orquesta El Macabeo. And on Sunday you can see Khalif Neville and Friends, Ana Tijoux, and Old Crow Medicine Show, among others. (Saturday day passes are sold out.) Tickets here.
READY TO TANGLE: And speaking of outdoor summery music stuff (whoa — deja vu), at Tanglewood you can hear pianist Paul Lewis play Mozart’s Piano Concerto No. 27 with the BSO under Moritz Gnann’s direction on Friday, and on Saturday Andris Nelsons leads Puccini’s “La Bohème” with a cast including Kristine Opolais. If that drive out to Lenox isn’t happening this weekend, you can experience a suitable simulation on Boston Common, where the Friday performance will be live-streamed to the big screen. The rest of you can grab tickets here.
STEPPING (WAY) OUT: And while you’re out that way, a trip to Becket may be in order, as Jacob’s Pillow Dance Festival welcomes Sidi Larbi Cherkaoui’s Eastman — a five-man company led by the Belgian dance artist and Ballet Flanders artistic director. Through July 15 they will perform “Fractus V,” described as “a work originally created for the 40th Anniversary of Pina Bausch’s Tanztheater Wuppertal and inspired by the political philosophy of Noam Chomsky exploring the production and manipulation of information.” Whoa. Find more information, tickets, and a video sneak peek here.
PLEASURE PRINCIPAL: Assuming your weekend isn’t already jam packed with dizzying voluptuousness, there’s a “dizzyingly voluptuous” exhibition on view right now at the Museum of Fine Arts that should hit the spot. (Yes, that spot.) “Casanova’s Europe: Art, Pleasure, and Power in the 18th Century” is a study of pre-revolutionary (and pre-Tinder) European society as viewed through the life of the legendary “hedonist, writer, adventurer, spy, and courtier” whose name is synonymous with unbridled concupiscence. (To be clear: I’m talking about Casanova, not me, but thank you, I fully understand the confusion.) The show, co-organized by the Kimbell Art Museum and the Fine Arts Museums of San Francisco (hey, it gets around), includes more than 250 paintings and objects and runs through Oct. 8. Find more information here.
FUNNY OR DIE: And finally from the outside world, Laugh Boston will host the Funniest Person in Massachusetts competition — which seems weird because the guy who found the “baby [expletive] whale” is still out there . . . somewhere. A field of nearly 100 has been winnowed down to a rowdy gang of semifinalist jokers, and they didn’t even need a machete-wielding psycho to do it. Those semifinalists will square off on Friday, and the finals will go down Saturday, at which point the Funniest Person will have to move somewhere else to clear space for next year. We’ll miss you, whale dude. Tickets here.
OR STAY IN! I’d say that staying at home is the best way to avoid a grim fate at the hands of a homicidal maniac, but I think we all know that’s just not true. So if you’re going to embrace the inevitable, you might as well do it to Dave Longstreth’s latest surprisingly uplifting outing as Dirty Projectors, “Lamp Lit Prose,” which the Globe’s Zoë Madonna quite enjoyed. Just keep one ear out of your headphones. Oh, and don’t go in the attic. Ever.
And that, mortally endangered Weekenders, is all I’ve got in the duffel bag for you this week. Good luck out there! And however you spend your final weekend on earth, make it one you’ll miss come Monday (should you somehow survive). See you next week!Michael Andor Brodeur can be reached at email@example.com. Follow him on Twitter @MBrodeur.