THE SOFT PARADE
The ghost of Salvador Dali descended upon Denver this week to stage an unprompted haunting through a large scale installation of. . . Hold on one sec. My bad. Looks like a bunch of air mattresses set out for a poorly planned outdoor movie night just got swept up in a strong wind and some dude caught video of their strangely dreamlike procession across the landscape. Cool. Sorry, I should really start reading the articles before I write these things.
A passive aggressive tweet war broke out among rival chicken sandwiches this week, and let’s just all take a second to marvel at that being a factual sentence. It started when Popeyes tweeted a near-breathless invocation of self-love for its own chicken sandwich. Then Chick-fil-A saw Popeyes having its moment and came clucking in with some insecure heat about being “the original,” which, honey, um, no. So, naturally, Popeyes checked back in to see if Chick-fil-A was doing OK, and gurl, it just went down from there. Meanwhile, Shake Shack threw some shade from the sidelines, offering a chicken sandwich “without the beef,” and I don’t even remember anyone asking her. Then I waited 20 minutes in line for what’s essentially a massive tender on a bun. It was all right.
In other (possible) bird news, is this a raven or a rabbit? And no, I’m not making shadow puppets, I’m staring into this video on Twitter, yet another Internet specimen of our failing powers of perception (a la “Is the dress white and gold or blue and black?”; “Is the voice saying yanny or laurel?”; “Did Grover really drop that F-bomb?”). Its beak ears are rather convincing. Its almond-shaped eyes resist certain orientation. And don’t get me started on the intoxicating opal sheen of its fur-feathers. I’m sure there’s an answer, but I don’t want it. Let it be both. Let us all be both!
HERE’S THE TEA
We’re getting a little profound here so let’s close with something crushingly petty: I don’t know who needs to hear this, and certainly no one needs to see this, but whomever among you is making tea as depicted in this footage (“the worst video in the world”) captured by Twitter user Holly Harley of her boyfriend’s tea-prep “technique” — i.e. first hot water, then sugar, then milk, finished off with an extremely brief steep/dip of the tea bag — needs to stop immediately. You’re upsetting people around you and nobody’s saying anything because we’re civilized and that’s what tea is supposed to be all about you monsters.