Q. My situation is, to say the least, confusing. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year, and a week ago he proposed. Normally, any girl would be extremely excited, and I am, to an extent. In the past year, however, we have been through so much that I can’t help but be reticent about making any type of wedding plans.
When we first got together, I lived in the South and he lived in the Midwest. I was coming out of a long relationship and drove to see him for his birthday. Then he came south with me. About two months later, we went back for a family event, and the very first night there, he ditched me to hang out with other girls and lied about it when I confronted him. About a month after that, he left his phone out. I got nosy and found out that just a few days before that he had cheated on me. We worked through it and moved to the Midwest about six months ago. Once here, I found out that he was still talking to his exes and basically playing me. Again, for some reason I stayed.
I can’t say I’m an angel, because I have thought about going back to my ex, but I’ve never cheated. The past few months have been amazing, almost like our relationship is the way it was supposed to be from the start. He’s being supportive and giving me the love I’ve deserved all along. But I still feel like I never know what might happen. I love his family, and they love me and say I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Why am I so worried that this won’t work?
A. Well, perhaps you are remembering something about a leopard and spots. The turnaround is somewhat hard to understand, unless between his bad behavior and his good you won the lottery. Time, I think, will give you the answer. Don’t set a wedding date until more time has gone by. See if the good behavior continues. Tell him you want to extend this lovely period and see no reason to rush things. And PS: No one really ever knows what can happen.
Q. In the past two months, I have sent a wedding gift to newlyweds, a book to my young niece and some clothes from my teen to the daughter of a friend. I never heard from anyone about whether the packages ever arrived until I finally asked. It was then that I learned that all three packages arrived and were welcomed.
Is it me, or are people just not saying “thank you” anymore? A simple e-mail saying they got the package would be more than enough. I don’t expect a written thank-you note from anyone anymore, although my three teens and I still send them and will continue to do so.
Not Emily Post, But Still . . .
A. You are not wrong or strange to want to have a gift acknowledged, but you may be “old-fashioned,” as am I . . . along with everyone else who is what we used to call “well-raised.” It really does seem that many people are not saying “thank you” these days — or RSVPing, for that matter.
I have adopted my mother’s approach to non-responders. I call and ask whether the gift arrived so that I will know whether or not to complain to the store. Strangely, there are people who get huffy should you ask whether they got your gift! This actually happened to me. I don’t know if this means the woman was embarrassed and therefore doubled down on being rude, or if it was just not part of her repertoire to say thank you. My rule of thumb has become this: If a gift is not acknowledged, there will not be a second one.All letters must be sent via the online form at www.creators.com/dearmargo.