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The Boston Globe

Lifestyle

Love Letters

A derailed proposal leaves a lot of questions

Q. I recently met someone who lives in a faraway state. We instantly hit it off and it’s been a whirlwind of amazing ever since. It’s not the usual “everything is new” excitement — it’s genuine “wow, you really exist” type of excitement, and the distance between us really helps keep the conversations focused. We talk for hours every night, and unlike people who are with each other all the time, we don’t get lost in the physical side of things, and we don’t take each other’s time for granted. At any rate, I’ve gone to see her once, and she will be moving out here by the end of the year to live with me. She really wanted to get engaged — she’s been very vocal and excited about it — so I planned a trip for her to come to Boston where I would propose. Well, she arrived and everything was perfect until I was ready to pop the question. She stopped me.

The next day, she was all excited — had me posting pics of us with “future mrs. ___” . . . and then when the time came, she stopped me again. Then I wasn’t in any mood to propose anymore, and as we were leaving, she said she wished we had one more day so we could do what we were supposed to. I traveled back to her state with her, and it was misery. I can’t just put on a happy face because I’m hurting, and feel like she never wanted this in the first place. She’s mad at herself and also frustrated because her family is on her case about why she doesn’t have the ring on. We both have to deal with our friends, families, and co-workers who all knew what was going to happen, and, well, it’s pretty awful for me to have to say that she stopped me from proposing. I know she didn’t say no, but it still feels like it. She says she is scared, she says she still wants forever and to move out here and start a family; the ring just scares her and she doesn’t know why.

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