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The Boston Globe

Lifestyle

Love Letters

She’s dating a married man

Q. I’m finding myself in a situation I never thought I would be in: I’m dating a married man. But my question is not about how to deal with it or how to get out of it. My question is really about why I am in this situation and how I got here.

In 10 years I’ve only had two, now three boyfriends, and I seem to keep picking men with whom the relationship is terminal. My first serious boyfriend when I was in college was way too old for me . . . like twice my age. It was also sort of a long-distance situation where he lived a few hours away by car. Ultimately it failed for a couple reasons. First and foremost, I came to my senses on the age difference. It was too big and it meant we were in very different phases of life. Secondly, I was a young adult, still figuring out who I was and what I wanted to do, and still changing a lot. He was not really evolving the way I was, and I evolved right out of the relationship.

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