Q. I have a good job, with a great boss. I like some aspects of the work I do, because I can see that it is making a difference in my community.
The issue with my job is that it is very reactionary. I try to plan ahead, but my primary job consists of responding to requests as they come in. This means that when I show up for work one day, I may have a known big project that I’m working on, but then I will also face two or three other “urgent” or “immediate” needs that my boss also requires me to meet.
I’ve been at the job for a while, and I thought I was just getting on top of the dynamic nature, but now I’ve found myself getting even more projects handed to me. I am now struggling to manage everything.
I find myself wondering if I just don’t fit well in this job (I’m more a big-picture than a detail-oriented person), and if I need to find a new job.
Is there a better way to manage the chaos?
A. You may see yourself as a “big-picture” person, but you have obviously proved your skill at putting out fires, which is likely why you are given a higher volume of immediate tasks and feeling overwhelmed.
Aside from working on maximizing your time and stress management (arriving at work rested and healthy), you should approach your supervisor to discuss your workflow. It is in everyone’s best interest to maintain your peak competency. Assuming that you are performing at a high level, you might pursue a raise or a promotion, before deciding to leave altogether.
When you approach your supervisor, present this as positive proof of your skills, and be honest about the fact that you are on the verge of not being able to keep up.
Q. I have two friends that are getting married the same weekend (one on Friday, one on Saturday). I am inherently closer with the Saturday bride (I am a bridesmaid in her wedding, and my fiance is the groom’s best man). The Friday bride and I have a history of problems, but I’d still like to attend her wedding.
The problem is that the Saturday bride has her rehearsal dinner the same day as Friday bride’s wedding. I’m not sure if I should attend the Friday wedding and miss the other wedding’s rehearsal and dinner (where I’ve been asked to give a speech), or miss the Friday bride’s wedding altogether, as I have already committed to the Saturday bride’s plans.
I want to attend both the Friday wedding and the Saturday wedding rehearsal, but at this point, I almost feel I have committed already to the Saturday wedding in a way that would “disqualify” me from attending the Friday wedding.
Does a wedding rehearsal supersede an actual wedding?
A. As a bridesmaid, you made a prior commitment to participate in the Saturday bride’s wedding celebration. The rehearsal dinner is an important part of that celebration.
If you were truly torn about this, you could ask the bride to be excused from Friday’s events.
You have a prior commitment. You made this commitment before you were invited to the Friday wedding. Send the Friday bride your regrets, and give her your warm best wishes.
Q. I was amused by your lack of perception in answering the letter from “Mother Brady,” the mother whose 15-year-old daughter wrestled her husband’s 16-year-old son.
Do you not see what is really going on here between these stepsiblings? There is obvious sexual tension between those two teens at that age. When that young girl has the boy pinned and is straddling him, what do you think is on his mind? The horseplay and wrestling are a way to make it appear innocent. Mark
A. You could be right. But teens and stepsiblings can interact without becoming sexual.
Contact Amy Dickinson at firstname.lastname@example.org.