Eat your heart out, Tom Brady. The Patriots QB is a pretty boy who makes female fans’ hearts go pit-a-pat, but Rob Gronkowski is the subject of an erotic novella. Titled “A Gronking to Remember,” the 38-page book tells the titillating tale of a New England housewife so aroused at the sight of the Pats tight end spiking the football that she resolves to bed the big fellow. (Yes, she scores, in a manner of speaking.) Available on Amazon, “A Gronking to Remember” was written by Lacey Noonan, author of such future classics as “Shipwrecked on the Island of the She-Gods: A South Pacific Trans Sex Adventure,” “I Don’t Care If My Best Friend’s Mom Is a Sasquatch, She’s Hot and I’m Taking a Shower With Her,” and “The Babysitter Only Rings Once.” It’s not clear if Gronk himself has read the book — we’re sure his bedside table is piled high with presidential biographies — but Gilbert Gottfried has. The comedian read a few erotic passages from the book at the request of TMZ. (“It jettisoned jiggling ribbons of electric jelly through my body and melted my knees like two pads of margarine.”) Noonan didn’t immediately respond to our e-mail Wednesday, but in an interview with Slate.com, she said there will likely be a sequel. “The clamor is deafening,” she said. Noonan, who works as a web designer by day, confessed to trying to capitalize on the “Fifty Shades of Grey” phenomenon, but can’t do it with a straight face. “I’ve really been trying to write a ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ bodice-ripper this whole time, but I haven’t been able to,” she said. “I just can’t bring myself to do it. The erotica genre is just so self-serious that I have to come at it at a funny angle.”
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