Q. Dear Meredith,
I have a huge crush on a resident doctor in our hospital. I am a research assistant, and we occasionally bump into each other in the building. There has been no formal conversation like “Hi! My name is . . . ”
After three months of having a crush on him, I decided to add him on Facebook. He accepted my friend request in an hour. After being social network friends, we would exchange a hello whenever we would see each other, but nothing more.
On his birthday, I decided to give him a cup of coffee and to tell him “Happy birthday!” He accepted it with a huge smile. It has been a month since the birthday coffee. I know that he is a shy type of guy and quite reserved. He also probably knows I have a crush on him (unless he is oblivious). My question is: Should I ask him out for lunch? I am really curious about him and would love to know if there is a possibility between us. Sadly, we don’t have mutual friends who could help me set up a nice gathering for us.
I would really love some advice on this so that I can get rid of unnecessary feelings for him if it’s not going to work out. Thank you so much!
— Hi, my name is . .
A. I’m impressed. We get so many letters from people who deal with crushes for months — sometimes years — without taking steps to get answers. But you intend to figure this out sooner rather than later. You got him a birthday coffee, and you’re ready for your next move. (Really, this kind of plotline could dominate an entire season of Grey’s Anatomy.)
Based on the progression of things, I don’t see any harm in asking him to lunch. Just know that if he says he’s busy, you’ll have to let it drop. If he wants a rain check, he’ll know how to find you.
If he accepts your invitation, assume that the lunch is platonic, at least for now. Also know that you can’t make decisions about “possibility” on your end until there’s a real connection. You might need more than one lunch to get the information you need.
Many men are oblivious. I sure was. A woman would practically have to sit on my lap naked before I would think she might be interested in me.
I think it’s far less weird to ask someone out for lunch than it is to social media stalk them until you have a reason to give them a present.
He’s either not interested, or completely socially inept/unaware. Either way, who needs that? Move along before you do any more creepy stuff in your pursuit of this poor sap.
I’m all for putting yourself out there; but to me, you’ve already done that — twice. Sure, go ahead if you want; but to me this is a little too much when he hasn’t shown any interest.
He’s already had coffee!!!!!!
Fall down next time you see him in the hall. He can rescue you and give you an exam. Works on the Hallmark channel.
boston.com/loveletters. Send letters to firstname.lastname@example.org.